ArchivedLogs:That Sinking Feeling

That Sinking Feeling
Dramatis Personae Marinov, Paige
In Absentia	2017-01-04 "You can't pull people out've quicksand if you're sinking too. That's how you fucking drown."
Location <NYC> Chinatown
One of New York's oldest neighborhoods and the oldest Chinese enclave outside of Asia, Chinatown is a vibrant ethnic community, which draws throngs of tourists annually as well. This neighborhood is packed with Chinese-owned businesses, from restaurants to groceries to theaters to fashion. It's not that cold of a day out as Paige sits on a bench in Columbus Park, hood drawn tight and arms folded. The weather is nearing fifty degrees at this late morning hour, though the sky is mostly cloudy. The twenty year-old girl appears to be mostly non-descript; her hooves are under positioned under the bench seat and her head is tilted downwards, the points of her horns poking out of her hood only a little bit. She is waiting with a purpose, however. The mutant had texted her friend a while back to arrange this meeting and it’s probably only a matter of time before they arrive. While it's not particularly cold, Marinov is wearing a heavy red and yellow striped scarf tied into a french knot, a black trench coat that reaches down to mid-thigh, and thigh high boots with flat heel. They are also carrying a bag over their shoulder. The ears are swiveling and the expression in their eyes seems to be high alert, but upon seeing Paige their step hurries up and they say with concern, "Paige, hey, how are you doing?" Eyes glance up as Marinov approaches and an involuntary smile plays on Paige's lips. Her words, however, do not match up with her expression. "Awful. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm fine and it worked...for a little while." She raises her head to look at her friend, eyes pained and left socket black and purple. "I want to go home, Marinov. Back to New Hampshire. Back to Woodsville. But then I remember that my family--" here the blonde girl appears to choke down a lump in her throat. "--my family doesn't want me and I -can't- go back." She leans forwards a bit, but cringes before straightening her back again. "I've finally been given notice that I'm, uh, about to overstay my welcome at the Commons." Biting the inside of her cheek, Paige pauses for a moment. "I mean, I -know- they would let me stay for at least a little while longer after what happened the other night, but I...I -can't-. I don't -want- to. I mean, yeah, I'd love to stay there forever, but not like this, not like I have been. I stayed with Mai last night.” Marinov glances from the left to the right and then sits down on the bench next to Paige. "{Sorry} to hear that... I mean... it's good that Mai put you up for the night, yeah? But I know you really like the Commons. Do you think she'd be able to help you out for a bit?" The felinoid mutant picks up their bag and puts it on their lap, "How are you feeling today? After what happened? It's pretty fucked up, the shit going on in this-" In Russian, they say in an angry tone mostly to themselves, "{The city is fucked.}" "I feel..." Paige trails off soon after responding, staring at her hands in her lap as her face reddens. "Scared. I know I'm not supposed to be scared after--I mean, fear only gives them power, but...but I--I don't want to go outside at night anymore." Her brows furrow and she swallows. "I mean, I get it. It was only -one- incident. Why should that--I'm overreacting, but I just--they cracked two of my ribs." Turning her head to Marinov, she sighs then clutches at her side with a cringe. "But I didn't--I'm not the one who got shot at, you know? How are -you-?" "And Mai could...I mean, she -is- able to help me out, but maybe I don't want it?" It seems as though Paige is actually asking a question here, at least to herself as she looks a bit confused. "I mean--Look, there are plenty of other mutants who are worse off than me, you know? There's Fiona and I know -she- can't stay at the Commons anymore either. I was hoping that I'd get ahead of the...of my cut off date and Steve would offer Fiona some more time at the Commons under his name, but I really dropped the ball on that one." Though they have been twitching during this exchange, Paige's ears seem to give a hard flick inside her hood. "Ah, -fuck-!" she curses in sudden anger. "I fucking forgot. I'm supposed to be making things right between Taylor and Mai. -Fuck-! I guess I really dropped the fucking ball on that one too, huh? And then there's this freaking Heather girl and I just--Just want to get out of everyone's fucking way, okay?" The tension from anger in Marinov's face fades a bit as Paige speaks, and they say in a softer tone, "It's alright to be scared, yeah? Your feelings are fair after what happened. You got hurt, it's normal to have feelings after shit like that went down." They take a deep breath, ears folding back at the words that Paige is saying. Instead of answering the question they are asked, instead their ears flick forward again and they lean in towards the other mutant, speaking in a serious tone, "Paige... you're not in anyone's way. But you can't pull people out've quicksand if you're sinking too. That's how you fucking drown. Mai seems to have her feet on solid ground at least, so if she offers you a hand up, you take it. Forget about the rest for now. Come back to it later, when you're able. 'cause right now-" They make a small cutting motion with their flattened hand in the air, "you can't." Paige's eyes seem to search Marinov's face as they console her, her expression pained regardless of the bruising. Once they've finished speaking, her posture deflates, the tension bleeding out. "But I need to be better; I need to be stronger. For all of you. I'm older -- I'm supposed to be stronger. I -have- to be stronger so I can fix all of your problems. It's...it's the only thing that keeps me going now. Fiona and Mai - they don't have any parents with them, you know? I know they're both, like, super independent, but shouldn't -I- at least be there for them?" Her expression has now changed to one of pained, exhausted, confusion as she tries and fails to keep it composed. "I don't have any family I can call my own anymore. Can't I just..." The horned girl trails off, head dropping again, as she uses the side of her hand to wipe at her eyes. In a smaller voice, slightly broken, she presses, "You didn't...answer my question, you know." Marinov watches Paige again as she speaks, head tilting just slightly at her. "You can be there for them without letting yourself fall apart, and you don't need to fix everyone's problems. You can do that once you're able, without hurting yourself doing it, yeah?" They take another deep breath and continue, "You might not have family to lean on, but there are people who care about you. I think that counts for something." Their ears flick at being pressed on Paige's initial question, "I dunno. I mean, I'm not injured or anything aside from my ears still hurting from the noise, but... I was scared to run away, even. I can't outrun a bullet." Judging by the way Paige's shoulders slump further and her mouth works as Marinov finishes speaking, it would appear that she is only accepting their advice reluctantly. "F-fine. But I -- I'm going to get better and then I will go to the sew--there's like people who live down in the sewers and I'll--I'll go there. It won't ... it won't be hurting myself once I'm better. I just need to heal and then--and then I can make things work better again." This is said as she gently scratches at her left arm, careful not to press too hard due to her injuries. "And you---No, you can't. You can't outrun a bullet. And I never want you to have to outrun a bullet. Why did this have to happen to you? To Taylor? To Evolve? Why---" She cuts herself off abruptly and turns again to face Marinov, brows furrowed and a questioning look on her face. "Can I--can I hug you?" "The sewers?" repeats Marinov, squinting slightly at the statement. They are clearly skeptical of the idea, but decide to just let it be for now. "Yeah, focus on healing right now, but also... like, healing mentally, yeah? You smell like stress. Like you've been dropped in a dunk tank of pure fucking stress." They tilt their head up and sniff the air lightly, and then continue, "I dunno why it happened. Seems pretty hard to justify trying to lock a couple of kids at gunpoint to stay in a building you're firebombing. But hey, bigots are crazy!" They clamp their teeth with a clacking sound and then look over to Paige, then give a small nod and turn and open their arms for this offered hug. Momentary surprise passes over Paige's face as the teen opens their arms to her, but it doesn't take more than a few seconds before she quickly wraps her arms around them. The next words to come out of her mouth, however, may seem a little divorced from affection. "-Fuck- them," the horned girl comments. "Fuck them hard in the fucking ass." Although she doesn't actually cry aloud, tears are dripping down her cheeks. "I don't care if my family are bigots, fuck them too. Fuck them all. Nothing fucking justifies that ever. They don't fucking get to do that to you, alright? They don't fucking get to. Not to you, not to Taylor, not to my friends, okay? They don't get to take you away like that. Fuck them. -Fuck- them. They don't get to do that." It's unclear whether her body is shaking with anger, relief, or fear. "And, yeah, the sewers. You know if I like live down there I might not have to wear this fucking sweatshirt all the fucking time? And I'm...I'm -not- okay mentally. It's just been one thing after a-fucking-nother. First I'm homeless, then my body is fucking changing, then my asshole brother finds me, then my stay is up at the Commons, then I get the fucking shit kicked out of me when I'm just trying to walk back there---you know they grabbed my fucking horns and threw me to the ground? I couldn't even---I didn't get a chance to fucking react, you know? I--I just---Oh, and THEN I can't even stop bad things from happening to my friends and they almost fucking die!" She lets out a shallow sigh, body still shaking, tension easing out of her again. Ears flick inside her hood. "I, um, I just--I'm sorry. I just thought you might need a hug and all, you know? After all that, uh, happened, right?" Marinov can't help but to laugh a little at Paige saying the words 'fuck them hard in the fucking ass', but they keep hold of her, making sure to be gentle with the other mutant's battery wounds. "Don't worry, they didn't manage to do anything, they're not taking anyone away or anything... It's gonna be alright. And... I think we both might've needed a hug, yeah? But yeah, you're right." Their ears twitch slightly when they properly register Paige making the comment about her sweatshirt. "Oh!" The pat Paige gently on the back and then try to break away from the hug, reaching into the bag on their lap. "I am pretty bad at deadlines, but... I made you something, for the holidays. Figured, I dunno, late Christmas or something..." They pull out a wrapped gift, no bows or anything, and with the words From: Tay, To: Paige written in marker right on the wrapping. "Didn't pull out the stops on the wrap job. I figured it's just gonna get torn off anyways..." She may be a bit reluctant to do so, but Paige allows Marinov to withdraw from the hug. Maybe the tears aren't flowing as they were before, but the horned girl still sniffs and wipes at her eyes with her wrist. "Maybe," she admits, gaze downcast for a moment. "I...like hugs." It's probably the most simplistic statement the goat girl has made since arriving in New York. When she looks back up, she blinks at the teen. "Christmas?" Inside her hood, her ears flick and she winces slightly at the pain their confinement causes. "Made me...?" Trailing off, she gingerly accepts and inspects the gift. "I don't--I don't have anything..." But then Paige realizes that Marinov probably already knows that she doesn’t have anything to give them. "I--Thank you, Marinov. It's...beautiful. The wrapping job." A smile plays gently across her lips. "Mmm. Tay. Short for Taylor?" With this question, she begins to carefully unwrap the item. Marinov just shrugs when Paige says she has nothing to give them. "Yeah, Tay's short for Taylor. Feel free to use it, if you want." The teen watches as Paige unwraps the gift- the contents of which are a black cardigan that Paige will be able to pull on without hooking her horns at all, and what looks like a ushanka in similar dark colours; the hat is designed with openings for Paige's horns and to give some space for her now sticky-outy ears. "I like hugs sometimes, but eh, I think that I need to know someone before too much hugging happens, yeah? And I'd hope that you meant the wrapping, 'cause I didn't think you had x-ray vision." As Paige carefully extracts the items of the gift, she blinks and her mouth falls agape. She seems rather entranced as she examines the cardigan before placing it gently on her lap in order to take out the ushanka. Her fingers poke curiously at the holes in the hat and she looks at first as though she doesn't understand why they exist. "Did--" the horned girl cuts off her own question as she continues to gaze at the hat with an inquisitive eye. "Are these--" Pause. "Are these for my horns? And...my ears?" Her face, just having begun to pale, flushes again. "I--you--the--" Now she looks at Marinov, tears threatening to pour out again. "You--you didn't have to. These are -amazing-! I can't believe you would do this for me. I can't believe--" Unfortunately, it appears that her tears simply refuse to be suppressed. "-THANK YOU-!" The blonde girl looks positively ecstatic as she hugs the gifts to her chest. "THANK YOU! Thank you -so- fucking much!" Marinov watches Paige opening the gifts with great interest, tail flicking just slightly in anticipation, and when it's open and Paige starts to react, they seem almost surprised by her reaction. "Yeah, I know what it's like to have your ears squashed in a hat-" they start and then say, "Aww, hey, you're welcome! I just know what it's like when you have clothes that just don't fit you quite right, and you're gonna need something to keep your head warm." They laugh softly and say, "I'm glad you like it so much, I think it was worth it. I love hats like that, they're fucking sweet." Perhaps she shouldn't have shouted as she did - Paige is now applying gentle pressure to her left side. Still, her expression is much more upbeat than a few minutes earlier. With sniffle, she admits sheepishly, "You know what I have on right now are my only clothes, right? I wear the same two shirts and sweatshirt and the same leggings and jeans everyday. I wash them, but it's---I can't believe you did this for me. My ears are---they're really killing me right now." She looks down at the ushanka as she holds it in her hands. "I'm half scared, though, to be honest. The hood hides things, you know? The other night...well. I guess I -shouldn't- let that fear completely control me as Mai says, right?" Placing the hat in her lap on top of the cardigan, she reaches up and lowers her hood. Purple bruises still comprise most of the left side of her face along with her neck and forehead. After turning the hat before finding the proper direction it should face, she fits it snugly on her head, eyes aglow. It seems to fit quite well over her horns - she has no issues putting it on - and her ears flick in excitement upon their freedom. Her voice sounds a bit emotional again as she whispers, "I love it. I absolutely fucking love it." Paige, indeed, seems rather pleased that the flaps on the side cover the rest of her face below the ears as she runs her hands along them. When Paige expresses that what she's wearing is her only set of clothes, Marinov nods along with a blank expression that almost asks, 'Do you think I didn't notice you wear the same thing all the time', but they are being polite enough to not actually say it out loud. "Yeah, the cardigan is pretty warm, actually, I figured you need something that can keep you warm too when you're out, yeah?" They rub their cheek with the back of their hand, not really conscious of the gesture, and then say, "Yeah! That looks really cute on you, Paige! I like your horns out like that. I only like to wear stuff that doesn't bother my ears," then more emphatically, "Or tickle my whiskers! You wouldn't believe how sensitive those fuckers are." They nod and say, "But yeah, I understand if you want to throw something over the horns... I wasn't sure if I should design something that covers them or just gives you freedom, but I think... Well, I like to think that you'll ultimately benefit more from the freedom." Paige seems unsure of whether she should try the cardigan on now or later, but she figures that with the impressively appropriate sizing job Marinov did with the hat, the other article of clothing more than likely fits her. "It -feels- warm," she agrees with a nod, rubbing the material between an index finger and thumb. Her body tenses slightly and she blushes at the teen's compliment, her face again barely having a moment to fade. "I--well, I have...you think so? Maybe--" at this point, her hands raise up and she gently runs her fingers on the sides of her horns. "Maybe they're not too bad, you know?" There's a faint grin on her face. "Maybe out---maybe freedom is good." Then she pauses, furrows her brow, tilts her head, and looks at her friend. "Are they -really-? I guess I'm a bit lucky not have to deal with whiskers then, huh? And -thank- you. I can't thank you enough. These mean -so- much to me. You are -the- fucking best. And you're going to -rock- your fucking fash--er, arts show." A pause. "-Thank- you. So much." "Haha, yeah, well... we'll see if I even have time to actually put on my fashion thing, 'cause I think I'm gonna be doing a lot of running around for the arts thing. Got a lot of sponsors and people to reach out to, Shane and Dusk are helping me, and they're a big help," says Marinov, "It's a bit overwhelming, but I think I'm gonna knock my required school volunteer hours out of the park." They stand up and glance about, "And… of course, you’re welcome! But, I want to see you try on the cardigan, in case I need to change anything with the seams so I can do it right away. You have somewhere that you can change?"