[Internal NSA Memo]
The following unencrypted message was picked up on a routine sweep for the key phrase "secret military mutant killing."
Semantic analysis and records of the target's M.O. has identified the sender as the 'Tatterhood' associated with this document here with a reasonable degree of certainty. As before, the mail uses a temporary address routed it through a series of foreign proxies. We are monitoring this address in the event of a response, and are seeking authorization to investigate any domestic accounts she may be using. I am also seeking authorization to contact Luke Cage about the threat the target poses and seek his cooperation in apprehending her.
(Supervisor's Comments: That's a good thought, but it's out of your department. Leave the handling to us, okay?)
To: lukecage@hfh.com
From: [redacted]@anonymail.com
Subject: Seeking Some Advice
Dear Mr. Cage,
For about a year and a half now I have been heroing nonprofessionally, with some success. I have contained the horrible beasts that once threatened to overrun the sewers, snatched children from the bloody jaws of death, punched a terrorist in the face and sent a strongly worded letter to the head of the government's secret military mutant-killing squad,[1] among other things.
There have been ups and there have been downs, but in general I think I have been doing some good.
However, even once my initial monster-herding task resolved it has become apparent that being a hero is a full-time job. It's left little room for finishing my education or pursuing a career, and while the 'homeless on/beneath the streets of NYC' thing was just part of the job for a while, lately I feel that my lack of means has been hurting me in the equipment and preparation department as I come into conflict with sinister forces of ever-increasing scope and power.
(Also, I'd kind of like nicer clothes that I can afford to replace when they get shredded! I've been getting by on thrift-store t-shirts and hoodies and stuff but it's be nice to be able to dress up once in a while.)
Given that my only marketable skills involve punching, damage resistance, and a willingness to put myself in harm's way for the sake of the innocent, do you have any suggestions about how to successfully append a 'for Hire' to my occupation? I would prefer to avoid both turning to a life of crime and becoming a pawn for a sinister patron with mysterious goals -- and unfortunately it's too late for me to go back and arrange to be born a millionaire playgirl.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Thanks,
Mutant in Manhattan
P.S. Note that I have a monstrous, inhuman visage and while my criminal record is clean I am probably on several terrorism watch lists, if that has bearing on your response. Thanks again!
[1] Hello, friends at the NSA! I hope you're doing well. You can probably figure out who this is from the context, but I might as well let you go through the little scavenger hunt of figuring it out. It's an easy one, maybe you can give it to an intern or something? Anyways, have a good evening, whoever reads this! -TH
P.S, are you familiar with the web series "Codefellas?" It's just a little thing, but it's with John Hodgman and Emily Heller and it's pretty funny and has totally informed how I picture you guys. Sorry if it's already circulated around the office (or if you guys hate it!), but I get a kick out of it and wanted to share.
THE REPLY:
To: [redacted]@anonymail.com
From: lukecage@hfh.com
Subject: Re: Seeking Some Advice
Dear MiM,
I came across an old book I thought you might find interesting. Perhaps we can discuss it sometime:
Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
`If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him.'
`I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
`Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
`Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.'
`Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. `He won't stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock /in the morning/, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! /Half-past one/, time for dinner!'
(`I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
`That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: `but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
`Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: `but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.'
Best wishes,
Luke Cage
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