ArchivedLogs:Vignette - Reflections, Hopes, and Dreams.

Vignette - Reflections, Hopes, and Dreams.
Why can't life be like in movies?
Dramatis Personae Mai
In Absentia	2017-01-04 Collecting thoughts of recent events.
Location Private Residence, Mai's Apartment in Chinaton
It is getting somewhat late in the afternoon, Mai is just returning home from an extensive work-out, which included jogging to the park, going through lot of martial arts practice routines there, and then jogging back. She nudges the door closed behind her and grabs a towel to wipe her forehead with. She takes off the sweaty clothes and gets in the shower, turning it on and washing all the sweat away, after which she sits down on the floor, crossing her legs resting her hands on her knees, palms up, and closes her eyes as she for a few moments focuses fully on just breathing, steadily, slowly, closing out the sound and feel of the water flowing over her. Meditative techniques were part of her kung-fu training with her father, a way to focus the mind and collect ones thoughts. That is exactly what she is doing at the moment also, reflecting on recent events, and what lead to them. Which requires her to go back several months, after her parents died she was left at a very difficult position, and she made a sort of resolution to find out who did it and make them pay. Now, at first this was more like something she used as a goal, something to aim for to give her the strength to continue, and it worked, it took her a few months but she managed to get an apartment and a job to pay it with. It was not until during December when she actually started to have time to really think of much else apart from how to get enough money for food. That is when she begun gathering information about the incident, mainly just news articles related to it, then, surprisingly, she actually found a real lead, which made her find the man who had organized the attack. At that point, while she was planning on how to proceed, it was still kind of like a game, or a movie, like one of the very common movie tropes is this revenge story, which often have happy endings, bad guys are dead and the protagonist lives happily ever after! Well, it turned out to not work -quite- like that, who would have thought? She did kill the bad guy allright, but, it didn't make her feel better like she was expecting, in fact, it made her feel rather awful, not just because of the fate of the man, he -was- a bad guy, after all, thats what she justifies it with to herself at least, but even more so because of how easy it was, and due to her powers, how... distant? She is rather struggling with thinking of the right word, it felt, as she didn't even need to touch the man, she probably could not have even done it if she would have had to do it with her own hands, it was almost like she -would- have been watching a movie, and THAT is what scared her and made her feel really bad once she had time to really think about it. She spent nearly an hour sitting in the shower after she got home, just hugging her legs against her chest, trying to wash it away, even though of course there wasn't anything physical to wash as she hadn't even touched the man, no, something worse than a physical stain. After that she had buried those thoughts deep inside, and focused fully on having a good time with her friend at new year, and it had worked, for a few days, getting drunk probably had something to do with that too, but now it is all coming back again, she knows now the identities of the last two men, but, she is no longer at all sure if she can actually go through it, and finish it. Certainly not now, likely not in awhile, maybe never, there has to be some other way that she can let go of the pain and move on, as this did not work at all like she had hoped, it only made her feel worse, and kind of scared... of what she can do... Blinking her eyes open, she is not actually fully sure of how long she had been sitting there, but thats probably enough showering for one day. Getting up and closing the water flow, she picks up a fresh towel and wraps it around herself as she walks out of the bathroom, maybe she should try that therapy group that Paige told her about...