ArchivedLogs:Trying to Wash it Away

Trying to Wash it Away
Dramatis Personae Mai and Paige
In Absentia	2017-01-25 "Justice did not come at the hands of you. It came at the hands of Sergeant Sutton and Officer Kelly."
Location <NYC> NYPD Station - Garment District
Despite the fashionable clothing of those outside, almost everyone inside the NYPD station is wearing the same dark blue uniform, gold badges flashing on their chest. A few, however, are in business clothing, and a rare one or two are in crisp white uniforms. The police station is several floors high, each dedicated to a different department, and a rare parking lot in the back where the cruisers and trucks sit. Escorted by not one, but two officers, it's late in the afternoon when Paige enters the visitor room at the police station. She's wearing her trademark outfit, gray sweatshirt and blue jeans, as she takes a seat at the table in the center. The goat girl fidgets with her hands as she waits for her friend to arrive, gently picking at the skin of a thumb where it meets fur. Mai is escorted in to the room through the door from the other end not long after. Looking not quite so clean and well-taken care of as before, though still in good shape, there are ways to exercise even in here, and she is making sure to do so. A smile forming on her lips when she sees who it is, although she was expecting it to be Paige as nobody else has really come to see her after all. "Hello, Paige." she offers after the door is closed and they are alone in the room. Paige stands up when her friend enters the room. "Mai!" The expression on the older mutant's face is hopeful as she looks over her friend. She offers a soft, small smile and says, "How are you? Are you getting enough sleep? Are they feeding you well? Are you safe? Has there been any movement on your case?" Mai makes her way through the room to get closer to Paige, though stopping at roughly half way as she doesn't want to get too close in case the other woman would not want it, remembering how their last meeting ended. "I am as well as could be expected locked in here, I suppose. Mostly people just leave me alone. The food is pretty terrible... I could make much better myself." she admits with a bit of a grimace. "Uh... and not as far as I know... those things seem to be taking forever... they really love their paperwork." Paige remains standing awkwardly where she is, hands clenching and relaxing. She glances at the floor as her ears wilt and remarks, "Last time we were here, they told me I shouldn't have hugged you. They said that touching isn't really allowed." Her gaze raises and she looks at Mai again. "I, um...I tried to get---I thought I could---I thought I had some connections that could get you a lawyer, but I was wrong. I think Marinov is still checking things out at the school to, you know, see if they've got anyone who could help you out. And...I'm sorry for what happened before. It's just -- Look, it's not important right now, okay?" Now there's a smile, slightly forced, on her face once more. "What's important is that we keep in contact, right? That we remain friends." With a nod, her ears flick up for moment before she turns and takes her seat again. Mai offers a slight nod in return to the explanation about the hugging, moving to sit at the edge of the table herself as she watches the goat girl, frowning at the bad news being told. "That is unfortunate... though not entirely unexpected, nobody really cares about us mutants. Hopefully Marinov will have more luck. I could even go to that school if that would be requirement for them helping me get out of here." she offers with a slight laugh, shaking her head. "You know, your the only one who has even come to see me here, so I guess most people just don't really care. I really appreciate it that you do." "Well, Marinov's got school! And I...lost track of Fiona. I don't know where she went after the arrest. I kind of high-tailed it out of the apartment," Paige explains as she rubs one her arms and looks rather ashamed. "I just didn't want to be there after what happened, you know? I want to remember that place for the -happy- memories. Being there without you just wouldn't have been right. It would have just felt like an absence. Besides, I didn't have money for food. As for Fiona, I told her about what happened and I told her, asked her, to come to the shelter with me via text, but I don't know where she went. She's still alive, at least - Marinov told me they ran into her last night." Her eyes flick up back to Mai even as her ears remain pressed down. "And we -do- care. We care so much. But Marinov's just a kid like you, you know? And I'm--I'm only twenty. There's really not much we can do. But we're -trying-. Also, I don't think you'd be -required- to go to that school. But I don't...I don't know how to help you, Mai, and I really, -really- want to help you." Mai chews her lower lip some as she listens to what Paige is saying and thinks it all over. "I know... I just like... noted that if it would come to that, I would be okay with it, like hell, would be agreeable to pretty much anything to get out of here. Being locked up like this is just... well not really a good influence, you know? Some nights... I regret that I didn't just go all out on those cops. You know I could have throwed them right through the window, right? But they were mutants... like us. Mutants should hold together, not fight against one another. I guess I was stupid to think that cops would understand... mutants or not." she concludes with a shrug, looking down to the floor. Once her friend finishes speaking, no words come from Paige's mouth. Instead, the goat girl looks positively frightened. Her eyes are very wide, her ears are pressing back at an upwards angle, her mouth is partially agape. "Mai," she whispers in a shaky voice after a minute. "Why--what are you saying?" The hand she has on the table is trembling slightly. "What are you saying?" she repeats. "You don't--you don't mean that. You wouldn't have hurt them, right? You're just--you're just angry? Those cops, Mai - those cops were doing their -jobs-. They didn't have a choice to arrest you. They couldn't--" Paige's words are cut off as she buries her face in upraised hands. "Oh gods, Mai, what are you saying?" Mai looks back up towards Paige when the girl starts speaking. Not responding straight away, as she waits for the goat girl to finish. "Yes they did... you were there, Eric even said that person was very bad, and nobody would blame anyone for what happened to him. They should have been thankful for me solving who knows how many crimes for them, that man was responsible for deaths of many people, mutants and otherwise... and yet the cops couldn't do anything to him because he had friends in right places. And instead... they lock me up. The system is broken. It only benefits the bad people." Taking a deep breath before adding. "I just wanted to be able to sleep peacefully. Without seeing them bleeding on the street front of me every night... because I failed to protect them..." "No," Paige squeaks out as her body shakes. "No, no, no." As she raises her head to look at Mai, it is clear that she is crying. "-No-," she attempts to insist, assert even. "-No.- I believed you." This last comment comes out as a hissed whisper. "No. The system--the system isn't broken, Mai. It worked. It put--it put--" The older mutant screws her eyes shuts, tears wetting her fur. "It put a killer away. You--you -killed- him. I can't--I don't want to believe it, but it's true, isn't it? You're the reason he's dead. I understand it--I do--he killed your parents. He probably killed so many others. But, Mai, you--you killed -him-. You -killed- him, don't you understand? You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to take someone else's life. I wish...I wish you had told me. I wish you had told me before you went off to kill that man, Mai. I really wish you did. I would have--I would have stopped you from doing it. I don't mean I would have fought you. I mean that...we could have gotten you the right help. I'm not talking about the cops. I mean actual -help-. To stop you from killing him." Head in hands again, the goat girl tries to stifle a sob as she repeats, "The system isn't broken, Mai. If this is what allows you to sleep peacefully..." She trails off. "No... it doesn't." is the only thing that Mai replies to Paige's rant at first, there is a long pause after that before she elaborates. "I thought it would, you know... make everything feel better knowing that guy is no longer out there. But it didn't really make me feel any better... more like...I felt nothing." She admits, taking in a deep breath to keep herself together. "Sometimes, you are in a situation where all the options are bad, it doesn't matter what you do, it will still be wrong in at least some level... but doing nothing would be even worse." Paige's elbows are no longer on the table, but instead on her lap. Her arms press over the sides of her head, hands touching behind it. "No," she's whispering again - many times while Mai speaks. "Nothing!" she lets out with an odd laugh in an exasperated cry once her friend finishes. "-Nothing-! You -feel- nothing! After killing someone! Not regret, not guilt, not shame. Ooooh no, you only feel regret for not killing the cops too! What then? Would you have killed me? Or would you have had me live through the atrocities you committed?" She looks up, tear-filled eyes glaring at the other girl. She doesn't sound angry - far from it. Rather, her voice is tired, exasperated, and scared. Mai watches Paige as she listens to her rant, shaking her head. "Thats not what I said... I did not feel better, it did not make me feel like I would have achieved the justice for the deaths of my parents that I was expecting, instead I just went completely numb, like I would have been watching from somewhere far away. Until the last moment... when I felt bad for him... for the man who killed my parents, I almost... almost couldn't do it. When I got home... I was sitting in the shower for an hour... trying to wash it away... but it didn't go." She goes silent for several moments then, before adding. "Regret for not trying harder to get away, I would not have killed them. I would never kill another mutant, unless I would be absolutely forced to." "'Regret for not trying harder to get away'," Paige echoes, a palpable tinge of bitterness in her voice. "So not only did you kill someone and feel -numb- about it, but you weren't even brave enough to face the consequences of your actions. That man would have gone to jail, Mai. Instead you now stand in his place." With a sigh, the furred mutant stands herself up, one hand on the table to brace her trembling body. "You murdered him. You tortured him and you murdered him. You felt bad for a moment - one -single- moment." The goat girl is shaking her down-turned head. "Justice did not come at the hands of you. It came at the hands of Sergeant Sutton and Officer Kelly. I am sorry, Mai. I really am. I am willing to understand you, to understand what happened. I am -so- willing. I really do care about you. But it's clear to me..." the older girl trails off as the hand on the table clenches into a fist. "It's clear to me that..there's nothing I can really do for you." Now she turns her head to look at Mai. "If my parents had been killed, do you think that I would not have wanted to kill their murderer? Of course I would have. Of course I fucking would. But I -wouldn't- have done it. At least I hope to the gods that I wouldn't have. Maybe I don't understand it, Mai. Maybe I -can't- understand it - my parents are alive and well, after all. But most of all, I hope I never do. I hope I'll never understand believing that the best option I can think of is killing someone in cold blood after -torturing- them." She sighs and shakes her head again as she turns to leave the room. "I'm sorry, Mai. I will still try to visit as often as I can, but I don't think there's really anything I can do for you other than care." Mai looks back to Paige and shakes her head some. "You still haven't understood... you still believe that the system works and is unbiased. People like that man, they never go to jail, they never get arrested, because they are killing mutants, and cops don't care about anything that happens to mutants. Like for example... those guys who nearly killed Marinov at Evolve... have any of those been arrested, or even have anyone looking for them?" she points out. Then when Paige starts talking about torturing the man, she narrows her eyes. "Do you think I wanted to? No, I didn't. and I couldn't have even done it personally. It just felt so... distant, from other side of the room, without ever even touching him. Like it wasn't real. I only wanted him to tell me two names, the names of the last two who took part in that attack where my parents died. I stopped as soon as he did tell me." pausing again before she looks to Paige. "And now comes the really stupid part. After I got the names, and addresses, so I could have finally finished it all... I didn't... I couldn't. Because just that one made me feel so bad that I could not bear even thinking about doing something like that again." Sighing, she looks down to the floor as she grips the edges of the table with her hands. "It is not easy you know... trying to be strong, trying to not let anyone see that you are vulnerable or weak, trying to survive all alone after everything has been taken from you, after losing those you love. Being forced to learn to fend for yourself and build a life when you are not even old enough to have a driver's license." "You -dare- lie to me?" Now there's a hint of something other than sadness and fear in Paige's hissing voice. "You dare fucking lie to me? You told me you had it under control. When we took that walk in Central Park a month ago, you told me you had it under control. That you had learned to handle the loss. That you had learned to cope with it. You lied to me then and you're lying to me now. Unless, of course, you meant that you had it under control because you planned to murder someone. Do you want to know the really stupid part? Do -you-, Mai?" At this, the goat girl turns around, face red and wet with tears as she glares with pained expression at her friend. "The really stupid part was the part where you killed someone. Don't you tell me that you felt bad now after what you just said. Don't tell me that you couldn't finish it fucking off because you -did-, Mai. How the fuck else do you think that man died? He was slammed against a wall. You slammed him against a fucking wall. On the other side of an alley. You think I didn't read up on what happened? It's not easy being strong, is it?" Paige's eyes narrow as her jaw works, ears twitching and then flick back. "Do you know what I do everyday? I wake up. I think of all the people who are worse off than me. I think of all the situations I could be finding myself in and then I'm grateful I'm -not- in those situations. You talk about being strong and having to fend for yourself, but neither are true. You didn't have to 'fend' for yourself. You had two jobs. You had money. You had your parents' apartment. You don't have any obvious mutations. And you -killed- a man in cold blood. -That- is weakness." She turns to leave again. "It -was- real. What you did. That man is dead. And my friend is a murderer. Now, if I were your attorney, I would -highly- recommend you stop telling people all about how you killed a man." Mai blinks in confusion as Paige accuses her of lying. "What? Everyone does that. Everyone always says they have things under control... because if you don't, then everyone will look down at you, thinking you are weak, and you lose face and all credibility. It is very important to not lose face and be disgraced like that, that is one of the first things my parents taught me. You must always look like you have everything under control to others." she explains. "If you ask someone if they have everything under control, nobody will say how they have constant nightmares, have to work underpaid jobs just to be able to pay the rent and not get thrown to the street. It was not my parents apartment. I couldn't keep that when they died because I didn't have any money. I had to work really hard to be able to afford to rent a small cheap apartment. I had to bury everything deep inside me so I would be able to do that all, to be able to get a semblance of stability. Also, you weren't listening to what I said, there were two more men involved in that, like I just told you." "What do I care if there were two more men involved in it other than that those men are still alive and not dead at the hands of my friend?" Paige asks in extreme exasperation. "Because you -are- my friend, Mai. Whether you like it or not. Or are you trying to say that you are so good and so noble that you spared their lives? If losing face is all you care about, then I really don't think you understand. My world -- what -I- care about -- are friends and family and helping people feel better." The older girl seems ready to argue further, but instead her shoulders slump and she sighs in a defeated manner. "Mai. Enough. Enough of this for today. None of this and, I mean -none- of this, excuses you for...for..." Now her posture just deflates completely and her ears wilt. "Mai, I just...I just wanted what we had. Friends. Living together. Living with each other. Living through each other. We had it, Mai." A hand clenches, slowly and tightly, before relaxing. "We -had- it," she lets out in a whisper. "Why did you have to do this?" Paige is quiet for a moment and then speaks up again, looking over her shoulder. "Mai. I am going to leave now. I will see you again next week, okay? Or maybe sooner. I'm not sure where things are going for me right now. Just...stay safe, alright? It's all I ask. And don't--don't kill anyone else." With that, she knocks on the door and is let out by one of the guards. Mai sighs softly as she watches Paige moving to leave. "Thats why I destroyed all the information I had gathered about them, Paige. Because of you. I completely discarded all of it after you moved in to live with me, because for the first time in months, I felt like things might actually work out, that I wasn't alone." she offers in a soft tone, but doesn't do anything to try to stop Paige from leaving. "I hope to see you again soon."