ArchivedLogs:Messed Up

Messed Up
Dramatis Personae Xiao-shan, Sophie	2013-08-16 '
Location <XS> Xiao-shan's Room - FL3(#1107Rn)
While Jin Xiao-shan is sometimes notorious for unusual forms of therapy, she /does/ do something more traditional, now and then. For example: Sometimes, she has her students sit down on a couch. Or a chair! Whatever they prefer. And just, well, /talk/. That's what she's doing today -- as she retrieves a drink for Sophie! Juice, or water, or anything she would prefer -- Jin Xiao-shan herself is having tea; a stainless steel mug-strainer filled with boiling water, steadily steeping on the table. As she sets the glass down, she settles into the chair besides Sophie's own, making herself comfortable. Xiao-shan's study -- where she meets her students for therapy -- is designed to be as soothing as possible. A large, wide window that overlooks the rolling hills and trees of Xavier's estate; a few landscape paintings on the wall. A bookshelf of books, a desk, a laptop -- and three or four comfortable chairs along with a cot. As Xiao-shan settles in -- clad in her crisp black dress-slacks, a white collared shirt, and a black wool jacket -- she frowns, reaching for her mug of tea, lifting the strainer up... letting the tea flow out of the array of holes. "--Sophie, I just want to start by telling you -- you've likely already heard this from both the Professor and Ms. Gray, but it bares repeating: Absolutely /no/ one is angry with you about this. No one blames you for this." Sophie has not been entirely herself lately; the girl is usually seen dressed in bright colors, but in the last few weeks her wardrobe has taken on a more subdued hue. For the therapy meeting today, she's in a pair of off-blue jeans, feet bare save for black, split-toed socks, and a black Dark Side of the Moon t-shirt - save for her red hair, which falls loosely and almost Merida-style, the rainbow on the shirt is pretty much the only color she's had on for a while. Emo mode: IN PROGRESS. Of course, this does /not/ mean that she is unwilling to talk about what's happened; she's just having a hard time doing so, even when the people she's spoken with are accomodating. Juice is her chosen drink, today, and she's seated in an armchair, her legs pulled up underneath herself, hunched slightly forward. The comment about nobody being upset with her causes the girl to jerk her head up, slightly, as if only just now having realized that someone is speaking to her-- and she responds with a slow nod. "I know," she mumbles; her tone is either 'unconvinced' or 'tired' - it could be either, really. "I don't really... I just don't really know how to deal with all this stuff. It isn't just the stuff with the carnival..." Though, even just mentioning it has her pulling her knees up against her chest, hugging them loosely. "I think I'm still mostly just... confused. About /why/. And with the carnival gone..." She shrugs, weakly. "--to be honest, Sophie? And I don't mean to frighten you," Xiao-shan replies, "but we're not entirely sure how to deal with it either. This is very -- new. For all of us. Myself especially. Having to help students who have suffered through this sort of violation is... it's not," Xiao-shan continues, setting the strainer aside on a nearby saucer; lifting the tea mug up to her mouth to blow away the steam, "something covered in your standard graduate curriculum." Xiao-shan takes a sip, cupping the mug with both hands. "That being said, you're in good hands -- if there's an expert on this sort of thing, it's Professor Xavier. I think he thought it wise to have someone else handle the therapy end, though -- if for no other reason than he thought you would feel safer talking about this with someone who /can't/ read your mind," Xiao-shan explains, offering a tentative smile. "All that being said, I think it's best to start at the beginning -- has the Professor been able to help you recover your lost memories?" It's probably unexpected, but Xiao-shan's initial concession actually gets a laugh from the girl. It's sort of a rueful bark of one, but. Progress? Either way, she runs her hand through her hair, fussing at it for a moment before she explains, "I've been getting that a lot. With this, with my power, I'm kind of a magnet for things nobody knows how to figure out." She does sound. A little on the sarcastic side. At this point she reaches forward to pick up her glass of juice, sipping on it thoughtfully and holding it on her knees between sippysips. "But.. yeah. He's been helping. There aren't really.. a lot? But it's all just so creepy and weird." Another sip from the juice, but when she starts talking again this time, her words come out in a rapid, jumbled mess. "Like one of the times she pretended to be the Professor and I guess she can make you think things that aren't there, and she had me tell her everything I knew and.. and I know nobody's mad but I feel so /stupid/!" With that, her juice glass is set down again, arms lifted up to cover her head defensively. "And it's just stupid because-- because I would've helped her, you know? She asked me for help like, before everything and-- I wouldn't have told her about the school but she wanted me to talk to the Professor about her and I was going to /help/. But she had to do all... all that stuff." Xiao-shan actually /smiles/ when Sophie laughs; it's not a cheerful smile, but it does seem to carry a visible sense of relief. She listens as Sophie explains, the smile quickly fading into something more tense. At that last bit, Xiao-shan nods her head... very slowly. And sets the tea mug down with a clink. "At this point, we're pretty sure she got scared and ran away. But we're not going to stop until we can give you some answers. But..." And Xiao-shan's tense expression shifts down into a frown: "I know, Sophie. But she didn't want your help. She wanted to exploit you. /Use/ you. To get at us -- the school. We don't even know why -- the faculty is still working to piece more information together. We /will/ get you answers. But -- mmn -- how are you sleeping?" Sophie shakes her head lightly. "I never really have problems sleeping. My power..." She waves a hand in vague circle. "I kind of I guess... go into a trance when I use it? It's not really /sleep/ but I end up kinda tired... anyway, I'm sleepy a lot," is her final conclusion. "I have kind of bad dreams sometimes, but... mostly not about that." With a little sigh, she twists up her face into a bit of a frown; not really angry, more thoughtful. Or frustrated. "Is it... is it weird that it doesn't bother me that much?" Lifting her head to look upat Xiao-shan, she chews on her lip for a minute before continuing. "It's just... it bothers me because of what I said, about... about her not letting me /help/. The whole thing was just so /weird/, but the actual what /happened/... I feel like everyone thinks I should be more upset about it than I am. I'm only upset that I don't understand it, I hate not knowing why stuff happens." "I think," Xiao-shan replies, after a moment of extended thought, "that you're the only one who can decide how much this should bother you. We're trying to be careful, I suppose -- because -- we don't know how much it /does/ bother you. We want to make sure..." She smiles, then, slow and tranquil, "...that we don't make you feel as if you're not allowed to be upset about it. But you're also allowed to /not/ be upset. You're allowed to feel however you want about it. If it doesn't bother you that much, I think that's a good thing, Sophie." "I also think it's good that you wanted to help her -- that, more than anything, you're bothered that she wouldn't let you /give/ help -- she insisted on /taking/ it. I am a little concerned about you using your power to sleep, though. Or is that something you don't have control over?" Xiao-shan asks. "Do you go into the trance without meaning to?" "There's just so much other stuff that's been going on lately that... I just want to forget about that. It's over, and I don't have to worry about it.." Sophie shakes her head again. "And I don't /want/ to worry about it. I mean, I don't /want/ to worry about anything but... but there's worse stuff to worry about that... that that thing isn't really. A thing. That I want to worry about." A bit abruptly, there, she pushes herself up and out of the chair (careful not to knock her drink over!), and starts walking around the room. "It isn't that I'm using it to sleep, it's more that... I can't do it while I'm like-- conscious? It just... it's part of the thing. I sorta like... it's /like/ falling asleep, but when I'm done doing it I wake right up. Ms. Grey and I think that if I practice enough I'll be able to do it without doing that, but I feel like it'd be weird because then I'd be like, seeing with four eyes." She's gesticulating with her hands as she talks, walking in wide circles. "--Um, but anyway. It's just that doing it tires me out. Like doing a lot of sudoku, times like... a thousand." "--mmn. I don't think /forgetting/ about it is healthy, Sophie. But I do think it's definitely good for you to be able to -- move on. You certainly," Xiao-shan agrees, "have a lot on your plate." She watches as Sophie rises and begins walking in circles -- her eyebrows lift! Though she makes no attempt to /stop/ Sophie. If anything, she looks a little amused! "--you know, you could possibly get used to that sort of thing. Seeing through multiple eyes, I mean -- it's amazing what the mind can attune to. Particularly at your age -- if it's feasible... the exhaustion worries me a little, but I think we can trust Ms. Grey to know your limits in that regard." She pauses, before pushing a little bit: "--is that something you want to do? To explore -- extend? -- the boundaries of your power?" "Well I don't mean like, literally, forget," Sophie notes. "Just... not think about all the time. I'm taking the Professor's psionic defense class, next semester." She stumbles over the word 'psionic' a bit, but goes on as if nothing had happened, once she gets past it. "I'm not really sure, about my powers. I mean... most of the time I do, but sometimes I just..." When her pacing takes her by a couch, she slumps onto it, lying on her back and folding her hands on her stomach. "I hate having to be a mutant. With all the stuff that's been happening, with... with the guys getting kidnapped for fight camp, and... and everything that's going on, I just wish I could run away from it sometimes. I like my friends here, but being here's the only good thing that's come out if being. Weird. I don't even fit in here 'cause my power's weird." "Mmn; did you know we have a few students who aren't even mutants?" Xiao-shan mentions. "If you think you don't fit in because of your power -- you might talk with them. Maybe they could relate? Your power /is/ unusual -- it's hard to find people who can relate to it. But -- we also have a mutant here -- Mya, I believe? She does something similar to your astral projection -- /she/ might be able to understand." Xiao-shan pauses, tapping her lip with her fingertip as she considers the rest of what Sophie is saying. "--that's good, that you're taking psionic defense, Sophie. But you should remember -- there really is no adequate defense against telepathic intrusion. What the course teaches is the ability to cloak your mind from shallow scanning -- the ability to /recognize/ when you /are/ being scanned. Otherwise, though... a lot of terrible things have been happening with the mutants here. I think wanting to run away is perfectly natural. I also think," and here, Xiao-shan's face twists into a regretful little frown, "there aren't many places for you to run away /to/. Running away to join the carnival," she adds, with a hint of humor, "isn't looking like a good option these days." "I wouldn't /really/. Run away," Sophie mumbles. She is, at this point, faced slightly /away/ from Xiao-shan, almost, but not quite, on her side. Just sorta chillin', and avoiding eye contact. "But that's better than nothing, I guess. The class, I mean? I just don't really... don't wanna end up like Faelan and be scared of everything. I mean, he's a nice guy, but boy he is jumpy and-- er, anyway, I don't want to be scared of everything." SORRY, FAELAN. "I haven't met Mya, though. Maybe I should, I guess." Her tone does lift a little, there! Just a bit. Progress! "I don't know, um. If teachers like... talk about stuff students say. And I wouldn't be mad if either of them did but-- but did Dr. McCoy or Mr. Wagner say anything about.. about my parents not talking to me? Since I came here?" A muffled little sigh comes from the girl, and an arm covers her head again. "I don't really have anyplace to run /to/. Not that Fredonia's all that great anyway." "Not to /me/, they haven't," Xiao-shan says, her tone growing more delicate -- much more /cautious/. "Your parents -- they don't have a lot of contact with you, here? Even though this is a place where all mutants are welcome, a lot of the students here struggle with a sense of... isolation. Powers are very unique; the challenges they present -- all very different. So many among the student body feel disconnected; like no one can understand the particular problems /they're/ facing. And in a lot of ways... that's probably a reasonable position to hold. Do you know /why/ your parents haven't contacted you, Sophie?" "No," is Sophie's mumbled reply, and for a moment the /only/ reply. "Mssrs. Wagner and McCoy said a lot of times people need time to 'deal with' stuff like this." The sarcastic quotes are clearly audible. "They were really weird about it before I came here. All like... trying not to talk about it, and the only times they talked about it were when they were trying to figure out what to /do/ about it, like they /had/ to do something about it. Then when we found out about the school they pretty much sent me off as soon as they could." The girl's tone does suggest that she may be being a little melodramatic about the subject, but nonetheless that's her take on the situation. "I've pretty much given up on it. I mean, I like it here, anyway." "Mmmn... Parents aren't always..." Xiao-shan seems to be searching for the right word here; she finally settles on one, reluctantly: "...good. At this." She rises, then; stepping forward toward where Sophie lays on the couch. "Handling the realization that their children have mutations, I mean. It's /alright/ to be frustrated with them -- it's even alright to give up on making contact with them. But it's also alright to keep trying." Xiao-shan drops down besides the couch, crouched next to Sophie. "If you want, I can help -- we can talk to them together. Or I can talk to them on your behalf. Or," she adds, "we can leave them alone for a while... and see if they'll make the first move. Either way -- this isn't something you have to deal with alone." Sophie is quiet for a minute, when Xiao-shan crouches next to her. She actually is thinking over the suggestions, but finally she rolls back onto her back, looking up at the ceiling, and closes her eyes. "I think for now I don't want to bother doing anything. I never really thought about having a teacher try and talk to them," she admits. "So I just sort of figured it was over with, and..." Biting her lip, there. "...Maybe.. later. Some time. But I don't even know how to deal with it on top of everything else, right now. I guess I just wanted to... mention it. Everything's so messed /up/." "Well," Xiao-shan says, with a slight uptick of her mouth, "that /is/ what you're here for. To mention anything and everything -- to talk about it. But, yes; later would be fine. Never, too, if that's what it turns out you prefer." She reaches, then -- tentatively -- for Sophie's shoulder. "--yes, I think 'messed up' can pretty much summarize everyone's lives, here. I've actually petitioned the Professor to use it as the school's motto. Big latin letters, right outside the mansion: 'XAVIER'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED YOUNGSTERS: EVERYTHING'S SO MESSED UP'." Okay, so that does get a smile from the ginger teen. She doesn't shy away from the shoulder-reach, either! But does still sort of lie where she is. Eyes slide open /just/ a littlebit. "Might get outsiders wondering, though," she points out, though the tone is good-natured. "I always sort of feel bad for freaking out about stuff 'cause it isn't like I was /at/ mutant fight camp," the girl continues; her tone isn't at all upset, more just matter-of-fact. "Mr. Wagner said I shouldn't, and I've mostly stopped, but... I guess I just sort of wish it was the 60s and everyone was all.. peace and love and Volkswagens and not trying to kill each other." "Mmn! Well, it's perfectly natural for you to feel that way, considering what they went through," Xiao-shan says. "/But/, Mr. Wagner is also right -- insomuch that you can't ignore the fact that your house is on fire just because the building down the street is getting carpet-bombed." Xiao-shan squeezes Sophie's shoulder again, before releasing her grip! "You know, I suspect that people /did/ commit serious acts of violence in the sixties." This announcement is coupled with a quick, easy smile! "--but it /would/ be nice if the world was a little less... 'messed up'."