ArchivedLogs:Train Crash Aftermath

Train Crash Aftermath
Dramatis Personae Peter, Shane
In Absentia	2013-06-21 '
Location
TEXTS probably late Friday night / near midnight: (Peter --> Shane): ok listen (Peter --> Shane): dont freak out everythings cool (Peter --> Shane): but uh (Peter --> Shane): i might have stopped a train (Shane --> Peter): This may come as a shock to you, Peter, but. (Shane --> Peter): I'm already aware. Do you know what happens when you web trains? (Shane --> Peter): Can you GUESS? (Peter --> Shane): free candy? :( (Shane --> Peter): Have you stumbled across free candy yet? (Peter --> Shane): no :( (Peter --> Shane): on a scale of 1 to 10 how pissed is everybody (Shane --> Peter): OK, what's just *like* free candy except instead of delicious sweets it is (Shane --> Peter): People all over the news talking about you being a terrorist again? (Shane --> Peter): ... shit, I guess I just spoilered it. (Peter --> Shane): goddammit (Peter --> Shane): you know i saved everybody i mean (Shane --> Peter): Peter, remember when you were supposed to stop finding danger? (Peter --> Shane): i think i did (Shane --> Peter): You're texting me though at least, so I'm going out on a limb and guess you're not dead. (Peter --> Shane): yeah i mean im sorry i honestly wasnt (Peter --> Shane): looking for danger it just kind of walked up to me and was like 'yo hey peter sup (Peter --> Shane): it was totes cray this big mutant dude just (Peter --> Shane): popped outta no where and wrecked a rail and then was all 'fifty seconds and a trains coming' and i was like 'whelp gotta go stop a train (Peter --> Shane): and uh so i did (Shane --> Peter): I'm glad you're not dead. Where are you? (Peter --> Shane): morlocks ohyeah tree man was there he saved my butt (Peter --> Shane): came outta no where grabbed me before the police showed up cuz oh yeah right uh (Peter --> Shane): my ankles are kinda busted i uh (Peter --> Shane): like (Peter --> Shane): dropkicked the train (Shane --> Peter): ... You're with the morlocks. UM. (Shane --> Peter): You what. (Shane --> Peter): You should be out somewhere with actual medical attention. (Peter -- Shane): yeah were working on that i think jims gonna take me to my parents or something i just didnt want anyone to like freak (Peter -- Shane): im not too bad just my shoulders hurt like crazy and i think my ankles are sprained (Shane --> Peter): Yeah, I can't imagine why anyone would freak. (Peter -- Shane): did anyone die (Shane --> Peter): Nobody's been reported dead yet. (Peter -- Shane): ok good cuz man i gotta be honest (Shane --> Peter): Who was the motherfucker who started all that? (Peter -- Shane): i did not think that this would work (Shane --> Peter): That's because it was fucking crazy, dude. (Peter -- Shane): oh yeah he was some big dude in like all these cloths with black skin (Peter -- Shane): had all these pamphlets about mutants being awesome like a whole stack of em (Shane --> Peter): Wonderful. (Peter -- Shane): honestly i mean (Peter -- Shane): if mutant terrorism is a thing this guy was the most ridiculous mutant terrorist ever (Peter -- Shane): like who derails a subway train and seriously he was dressed up like the unabomber and the stuff he said like 'you will feel our pain' who says that (Shane --> Peter): What? Who was he saying that to? (Peter -- Shane): not even angry he just said it kind of quiet like 'oh btw just so you guys know (Peter -- Shane): jim? i think and me and just both of us i guess (Shane --> Peter): But you are mutants. I mean, Jim's not freaky just ugly but it's not like anyone could have mistaken YOU for a flatscan anymore that's weird. (Peter --> Shane): yeah come to think of it he just attacked me outta no where (Peter --> Shane): like i was just yelling at him to get off the track and all the sudden he was just like 'grab' not like he couldnt tell i mean i got it all over my face (Shane --> Peter): You do have a very striking face. (Peter --> Shane): ha ha omg i didnt have my mask on either you know i could have recorded this it would have been the most amazing. youtube. video. ever (Shane --> Peter): Obviously you should just implant a camera into your eye. (Peter --> Shane): video of me jumpin in front of the train all 'ima let you finish but spider had one of the best webshooters of all time' (Peter --> Shane): yeah jax could have one under his eyepatch (Shane --> Peter): Then it'd just record his eyepatch all the time. With the amount of trouble all you motherfuckers get into, he needs to just wear that shit. (Shane --> Peter): Open and on 24/7. You too. (Peter --> Shane): i put two on my mask i guess that kinda counts? but i havent finished it yet but i mean ill probably build some on my webshooters too cuz thatd be hella sweet (Peter --> Shane): cuz im gonna have to build new shooters anyway starks got one and the other one i uh (Peter --> Shane): used as a webnade (Peter --> Shane): to stop train (Shane --> Peter): I still can't believe Tony Stark has your webshooter. (Shane --> Peter): Wait what the fuck. (Shane --> Peter): What the fuck is a webnade. (Peter --> Shane): is like a grenade cept made out of web (Peter --> Shane): im patenting the term trademark peter parker 'webnade' (Shane --> Peter): Oh. Right. Of course it is. (Shane --> Peter): Peter, did you say you fucked up BOTH your ankles? (Peter --> Shane): i think so yeah (Peter --> Shane): i think i did them at different times tho (Peter --> Shane): like one when i hit the train the other when i kicked the window in (Shane --> Peter): Ghhhah. Maybe Eloise can fix you, or that weird girl. (Peter --> Shane): would be hella sweet but i mean i dont want to like (Peter --> Shane): turn either of them into our healbots or something (Shane --> Peter): They need practice, same as everyone else. I mean. We don't really just. (Shane --> Peter): Go around stabbing people so that they can work on their shit. (Shane --> Peter): I mean, OK, people used to do that for El a lot. (Shane --> Peter): But we don't at school now. (Shane --> Peter): So I guess you're doing them a favor by being a crazyass motherfucking wreck? (Shane --> Peter): Helping their development. (Peter --> Shane): i started to laugh about the stabbing thing (Peter --> Shane): then i realized youre probably serious (Peter --> Shane): man we are messed up dudes (Shane --> Peter): Oh yeah no I mean they fucking. Cut off people's arms and shit. (Shane --> Peter): It was intense. (Peter --> Shane): i come to you about a story of how i dropkicked a train (Peter --> Shane): you come back with dudes choppin off arms and growing them back for kicks (Shane --> Peter): No, that was when they grew back legs. (Peter --> Shane): oh man dont make me laugh it hurts when i laugh (Shane --> Peter): OK, hold on, shit, let me find something really tragic to tell you instead. (Shane --> Peter): OK found one: M. Night Shyamalan's career. (Peter --> Shane): you bastard (Peter --> Shane): youve found my kryptonite (Peter --> Shane): jim just staring at me wondering what the hell im giggling about (Shane --> Peter): Do you need someone to pick you up? I mean, brokeass legs that can't be good for getting around. (Peter --> Shane): jim says hes got me hes just been lugging me around on his shoulders like a sack of potatoes (Peter --> Shane): hes gonna take me to get picked up by my folks man this is gonna be a weird convo (Shane --> Peter): You might want to leave out the dropkicking train part, that. Just makes you sound like a dumbass dude. (Shane --> Peter): Just stick to the part where it wasn't your fault. (Peter --> Shane): hm yeah i guess that. yeah i could just say i was on the train couldnt i (Shane --> Peter): I mean, I dunno what kind of relationship you have with your folks, I wouldn't. *Lie*. (Shane --> Peter): Just maybe choose wisely which details to tell them. (Peter --> Shane): yeah um maybe i should just yeah (Peter --> Shane): i was on that train i mean it was for like ten seconds but i was definitely on it so yeah (Shane --> Peter): Also the part with the crazyass motherfucker swooping in from nowhere to be a douchebag. (Peter --> Shane): yeah (Peter --> Shane): ok jims picking me up now i think i just (Peter --> Shane): wanted to make sure you knew im not dead or anything also (Peter --> Shane): i mean i know superheroes arent supposed to brag but (Peter --> Shane): i stopped a /train/ (Shane --> Peter): OK, that is kind of badass. (Shane --> Peter): I still want you do know though. Totally Badass and Totally Fucking Stupid are not mutually exclusive. (Shane --> Peter): In fact I'd say it's statistically significant how often they coincide. (Shane --> Peter): Don't die, alright? (Shane --> Peter): ... shit you're fucked up you won't be able to come to fight club now. (Peter --> Shane): yeah i know and yeah man i mean hopefully ill heal quick but (Shane --> Peter): Hey. You know. You don't need to stand up to get blowjobs. (Shane --> Peter): Am I allowed to do that again now that you're not staying at pa's? (Peter --> Shane): omg (Peter --> Shane): um yes (Peter --> Shane): now jims staring at me because im blushing btw (Peter --> Shane): just so you are aware of what you have inflicted upon me (Shane --> Peter): Whatever he stares at everything he's a fucking PI it's what they do. (Shane --> Peter): Stare around like gorram creepsters. (Peter --> Shane): staaaare hee hee oh man i will see you tomorrow and you can (Peter --> Shane): watch me blush face-to-face (Shane --> Peter): I wasn't planning on my face being THERE. (Shane --> Peter): At least not for long. (Peter --> Shane): ohgod ok im (Peter --> Shane): going now before jim starts asking questions (Peter --> Shane): but <3 <3 will see you tomorrow (Shane --> Peter): If you just answer his questions bluntly he doesn't want the answers anymore. (Shane --> Peter): It'll be like *snoop snoop snoop* "Hi Jim I'm just talking about sucking my boyfriend's cock" "Gaaaah KIDS THESE DAYS *crotchetcrotchetcrotchet*" (Shane --> Peter): Can you verb 'crotchety' I dunno. (Shane --> Peter): But. Yeah. See you -- wait what's happening tomorrow it's Saturday. (Shane --> Peter): See you some time, anyway. (Shane --> Peter): <3