ArchivedLogs:Bitterness

Bitterness
Dramatis Personae Paige, Marinov
In Absentia	2017-01-11 "Well, I'm still fucking bitter! But it's 'cause the world is shit, not 'cause I think I'm shit."
Location <NYC> Evolve Cafe - Lower East Side
Spacious and open, this coffeeshop has a somewhat industrial feel to it, grey resin floors below and exposed-beam ceilings that have been painted up in a dancing swirl of abstract whorls and starbursts, a riot of colour splashed against a white background. The walls alternate between brick and cheerfully lime-green painted wood that extends to the paneling beneath the brushed-steel countertops. There's an abundance of light, though rather than windows (which are scarce) it comes from plentiful hanging steel lamps. The walls here are home to artwork available for sale; though the roster of prints and paintings and drawings and photographs changes on a regular basis it has one thing in common -- all the artists displayed are mutants. The seating spaced around the room is spread out enough to keep the room from feeling cluttered. Black chairs, square black tables that mostly seat two or four though they're frequently pushed around and rearranged to make space for larger parties. In the back corner of the room is more comfortable seating, a few large black-corduroy sofas and armchairs with wide tables between them. There's a shelf of card and board games back here available for customers to sit and play. The chalkboard menus hanging behind the counter change frequently, always home to a wide variety of drinks (with an impressive roster of fair-trade coffees and teas largely featured) though their sandwiches and wraps and soups and snacks of the day change often. An often-changing variety of baked goods sit behind the display case at the counter halfway back in the room, and the opposite side of the counter holds a small selection of homemade ice creams. A pair of single-user bathrooms flanks the stairway in back of the cafe; at night, the thump of music can be heard from above, coming from the adjoining nightclub of the same name that sits up the stairs above the coffeehouse. Marinov had sent Paige a text message telling her to meet them at Evolve! The teen is rather glad to have the place opened back up for business, and is presently wearing a turtle-necked long-sleeved winter dress in forest-green, and one of their pairs of tall black boots. A black jacket rests over the back of their chair and they sit, one leg crossed over the other, with a cup of tea and some homework in front of them. There's a rustle of noise in front of Marinov as Paige takes the seat across from them, placing her ushanka hat on the ta---she blinks - the table is happily covered with homework. Setting her hat down in her lap, she offers a, "Hey." The horned girl looks a little nervous, hands fidgeting. "How are you doing? You know, being back here and all? In this place?" She looks about anxiously, ears twitching as they pick on up the din of conversation. "I, uh, I got fur. Um...What you working on?" Marinov looks up and pulls their homework that the spread all over the place, and they roll their eyes, "Math." Disgusting. The teen looks at Paige and nods a few times when she says that she has fur, "I heard. How are you taking it? I mean... are you doing alright?" They add, gesturing around the place, "I am feeling just fine being back here. Even /if/ it was attacked, there's no place I'd rather be right now. I know it's fucked up with all that happened, but I feel safer here than out there." Paige ducks her head and hunches her shoulders in embarrassment at Marinov's words. "Yeah, uh, sorry about the, uh texts. I was--I wasn't feeling all that well, you know?" A hand reaches back and idly scratches the back of her neck. "It's...it's--it's soft. I, um, I kind of...like it?" While it might be reasonable that the blonde girl inserted a misplaced inflection, it sounds like she -may- be actually asking her friend a question. "It's soft and it keeps me...warm." "It's fine. I was pretty messed up when my body was changing, to be honest, and not just on account of the fuckton of morphine," says Marinov, leaning in towards Paige to inspect her fur. Their eyes drift this way and that in scrutiny and they decide, "If you like it, then that's good. Fur is not too bad. Like... I guess I was sorta bitter when I manifested and all, like woe is me, but now. Well, I'm still fucking bitter! But it's 'cause the world is shit, not 'cause I think I'm shit. But I can wear spring clothes in the winter and I don't feel too cold." Paige's eyes follow Marinov's as they inspect her. Her fur is short cream and beige-colored. Her ears flick as she listens, but she remaind silent a moment before things seem to click. "Wait, so -that's- how you do it? I thought it was -- I don't know -- some other kind of mutant power you had or something, you know? I mean, the whole wearing dresses in winter thing," she says with a grin as she leans back in her seat. "But why the hell are you bitter? You've got a lot going for you, what with your school and everything." She seems to mention Xavier's a lot in conversation with her friend. "Aside from the math and all," she muses, gesturing to Marinov's homework. "It sounds like a pretty good deal. And the world isn't shit as much...as much as it seems it might be." "Well, I just have been thinking how fucked up it was that some guys tried to roast me and Taylor. Like, we're both young, but I look like... a kid. I know that I do. And they still tried to kill me, like it's no big deal. That's kinda messed up, yeah? And there's all kinds've discrimination and shit, and... you got attacked, and you were just minding your own business. The world is a fucked up place, and I sorta just hate it," says Marinov, taking a sip of their tea, "Makes me mad, but like, yeah. I'm pretty privileged in some ways, 'cause I have my fancy school backing me. But... some days I want to fucking scream at the world, but if I did, I'd be living up to the whole 'scary mutant' thing." At the mention of her assault, the horned girl tenses, her body still for a moment before she lets out a deep breath, ears flicking downwards. "I don't think of you as a kid," Paige offers in a quiet voice. "For what that's worth." She looks down at her hands as they fidget idly on the table. "You think I'm---Look, you -know- I'm scared. I'm scared as shit right now. Coming here...coming here was difficult. But I did it--I came here because I wanted to see you. That's what's important right now. Us. Friends. You and all of your friends. Just, you know, stick together and stay safe." "Yeah, I mean, I agree. I was just explaining why... I'm sorta bitter sometimes I guess? Just my take on it," says Marinov in a pretty mellow tone. They sniff the air lightly and say to Paige, "And yeah, I know you're scared. I know you're probably right to be. I know that, ultimately, we keep living our lives and spending time with friends and people who care of us and that's good, yeah? I have good people in my life." They shake their head and say, "But I was more saying like... I used to sorta hate myself for being different, but I don't anymore, I'm sorta at peace with who I am. But I'm not at peace with what the world is." Paige watches her friend in curiosity as they speak, ears flicking. "I don't hate myself," she offers in response to their admission. "I am -disgusted- by myself. I mean, I was--I don't know if I -am- anymore? It's hard." Perhaps the understatement of the year as the goat girl seems to be playing with her hands, eyes cast upon them. "It's hard," she repeats. "I'm not sure -how- I feel. At first, I just wanted it to all go away, you know? Then I just wanted it to -stop-. Now, I'm---well, I'm---I'm not sure. It's weird, you know? I don't feel so much angst about my changes anymore." Silent for a moment, her jaw works a bit. "And the fur is soft. It's...it's...nice." "Yeah, I mean, I didn't think you hated yourself or anything," says Marinov, rubbing their neck lightly. "And I dunno, like... with the changes, it's alright to feel overwhelmed sometimes, but it's sometimes alright to kind of realize the things you're okay with. Like the fur." They point to both Paige and themselves at that statement. "'cause there's nothing wrong with us. We're alright. But the world wants to lie, tell you you're disgusting. And it's hard not to believe the world. But the world can go fuck itself." "Go fuck itself, yeah..." Paige echoes distantly, hand again rubbing the back of her neck. "I'm not really--" Having been staring vacantly, her eyes return to Marinov. "Like I see vestiges-- MORE than vestiges of how I am supposed to look." The horned girl gestures, apparently not noticing what words she's employing. "Like, I mean, I don't know, I get called a 'freak' and laughed at and told I'm ugly, and it..." A quiet sigh and a shake of the head as he gaze drops then lifs to Marinov again, narrowing. "Wait, wasn't I supposed to be making -you- feel better right now?" Then, a topic change. "And why are they teaching you math anyways?" She inquires with a flick of her ears. "I never needed that stuff in college." "Well, they're teaching me math 'cause it's a high school, I guess. That's what high schools do," says Marinov, about the math homework, "And... this might be how you're supposed to look, and you rock the look, but when people say things like 'freak' or 'ugly' to you, that's wrong. They're wrong, 'cause I mean, you're not just a lovely person, but you're lovely too. And it kills me when you believe it, that shit those people say. It kills me that sometimes I believe it about me, too. It's just hard to ignore the world is what I'm saying?" They drum the table a bit with their fingertip to conclude that thought. "Lovely," Paige replies, her blush at the compliments hidden somewhat by her fur. Her ears are pressed up in surprise, an emotion also represented by her widened eyes. "I...haven't been called that in some time, you know." Eyes again find her hands fidgeting on the table before looking up again. "I really--I--thank you, Tay. It means a lot to me to hear that. It really does. It means a lot. And I try. I try to be the best person to everyone, you know? I've got--I've got a lot to make up for and such. But don't you dare believe them, okay? Not you. You've got so much going on about you. You're in high school -- I mean, look at you," here she gestures to their homework. "Look at you. Studying hard. Doing your goddamn best. Putting on a freakin' arts show, for fuck's sake." A deep breath and a sigh. "Look, I'm not sure I buy that this is how I am supposed to look, but if you think that--if you think that -I'm- lovely, I'll do my best to -- to take it easier on my self, alright?" Marinov takes a sip of their tea, eyes staying on Paige, then they admit, "I'm not really studying very hard. But, I know what you mean... it's, well, I have to keep my grades up to get help from folks at Xavier's on my extra-curriculars." They say towards their friend, leaning in slightly, "Yeah, if you could take it easier on yourself. That'd be for the best, 'cause I think you're maybe a lot harder on yourself than you need to be. You don't have anything to make up for. You gotta just keep on being you, you know? 'cause that's already pretty special." They tug on the sleeves of their dress lightly. "I'll---I'll try," the goat girl answers, her blush only having deepened in response to the follow-up compliment. There's a momentary pause before she continues. "I've got some help. There's this girl, Heather, that's---well, she's helping me work on fufilling some promises that I probably shouldn't have made, you know? Nothing...nothing bad." Hands flat on the table, her thumbnails idly scrape at the surface of each other. "Someone used to tell me that you should be best you you can be since everyone else is already taken," she offers with a small smile. "You've mentioned this Heather girl before, she doing better? I guess, yeah, sometimes it's nice having help," says Marinov, ears slightly perked now. "And I think that's not a bad saying." They sniff at the air lighty again, and they add, in Russian at first, "{Sorry,} didn't mean to embarrass you or anything, was just saying. Anyways, if there's anything I can do to help you, let me know." Ears flick upwards and then down as Paige reacts to her friend's apology. "You didn't embarass me," the blonde girl explains, still blushing. "You just flattered me." Her hands reach up and run through her hair to the sides of her horns as her ears perk back up. "'This Heather girl' is a...mystery. She's smart, efficient, and very success-oriented, you know? But I can't help but feel bad for her. She's moving a mile a minute and can't slow down." She shakes her head sadly. "As for you helping me, I think we've had this conversation. Or maybe I just dreamt it up. I had---I had a lot of weird dreams a few days ago. But you're already helping me, Tay. Just by being my friend. Let me ask you a question." Her arms lower, laying gently on the table. "How can I help -you-? And don't give me some 'be better to yourself' or something bullshit, you know?" "Aw, shit, you got me. I was gonna say 'be better to yourself'," says Marinov, "Now I gotta come up with something better. Well..." They glance down at the table a moment, sipping more at their tea, "How good are you at math?" They chuckle and then shake their head, "But really, I think I could have lots of work for you to do for my art show stuff. Like... volunteer stuff for now, I guess. I have lots of people who I've been calling, and emailing, and wow. It's a lot." The skin beneath Paige's fur has returned to its normal color and the horned mutant winks at Marinov's joke. Then she raises a brow at their question. "Not too great. It's been a while since I've had to do any of that stuff. Heather would be the one to ask about that," she replies, mentioning the other girl again. "You know I'm good for it, right? I told you I would help. I told you I'd volunteer. I'll do whatever it takes to help you make this happen, you know? I can do phone calls and I can do emails. Just put me in front of a computer. Or setting shit up. I don't care. I'd be happy to have something to do, you know? But when is this thing going to go down? I can't imagine it'd be any time soon or are you planning on having it inside?" "Well, I don't really know Heather, but I'm sure I can ask my professors for the homework help," says Marinov with a chuckle, and they nods a few times, "Yeah, I figured you'd be good for it, I just wasn't sure what stuff that you'd be good to do. I have a list of potential sponsors and like... a sorta script? That I can give you. I only want sponsors who are like... /properly/ pro-mutant, and not just trying to make money off the backs of mutants, yeah? Shane said that Evolve could provide some, like, refreshments and stuff. Which would be amazing." Paige's ears flick upwards as her face lights up. "I could follow a script. It would help me out, too, you know? Learning what places are out there that are interested in mutants' rights and such? I mean, like, I only really know the other side of things and -- well, I can help!" She looks rather delighted at this prospect. "And Evolve -- Shane is amazing." Marinov nods a couple of times and says, "I'll send it to you, and a spreadsheet on google docs, yeah? So that you can take notes and stuff on there and I can read 'em. And like, if anyone needs to talk to me, you can always have them call me." They scratch their neck lightly and then comment, "But yea, I dunno. There's not a lot of organizations that are super legitimately helpful towards the mutant community." Paige nods to Marinov. "Sure, I can head to the library or something and work on it there. I mean, well, not the talking, but the doing and such." She bites her lip, chewing on it for a minute as she thinks. "The fewer organizations, the more research we can do into each of them, you know? Make sure they're the real deal. But it sounds like you've already got that covered." "Heh, well, I got a lot of these contacts from Shane as people who helped out with the Evolympics," says Marinov, nodding once and raising their tea cup towards their face and then realizing- oh no- it's all gone. They seem mildly disappointed, placing the cup down back on the table. "But there are some that I looked into, and if you think of anyone that could be asked... well, could be worth a try." Raising a brow at her friend, the horned girl gives them a slightly concerned look. "If -I- think of anyone? -Me-. You know, the girl who was raised to be indocrinated into the Friends of Humanity? Yeah, sure, Marinov, I know -oodles- of people just lining up to be our friends." It's not often that Paige employs sarcasm, but at least she's smiling as she delivers it. "I'll see what I can do, you know? It'll help---Well, I mean, 'help' is an odd word---Yeah, don't worry about it, I can help you out on this, no problem." "Well, I dunno, you seem to be a bit better at making friends than I am! Plenty of folks out in the community who might know people who are willing to help," says Marinov, chuckling softly. "If you come across any snags, let me know. I'm gonna hit the restroom and then head out, but I can walk with you a bit on your way back if you want?" The teen /might/ be concerned about people waiting to assault Paige, and there's safety in numbers. "Yeah...I guess--I guess I am pretty good at making friends," Paige blinks as she says this, a note of surprise in voice. "I just like to help people. It makes me feel better about myself. It also has the added bonus of making other people feel better about -themselves-. And then they seem to like me for that." She shrugs, but there's a clear smile on her face while she puts her hat back on. "I would -love- to have walking companion, if it wouldn't be too much trouble for you. I don't mind waiting."