ArchivedLogs:I Must Confess That I Feel Like a Monster

I Must Confess That I Feel Like a Monster
Dramatis Personae Anette and Akihiro	2016-08-11 '
Location <BOM> Beachfront - Ascension Island
Largely rocky and desolate, the majority of the waterfront on this small island is an unwelcoming place. Craggy and forbidding, lined with jagged black rocks, the coast here can take a fair bit of scrambling to navigate. Here and there, though, the coastline levels out to narrow sweeps of pebbly beaches littered with shells and seaweed carried in on the frigid tide. Occasional old trunks of fallen trees dot the narrow beach, victims of the storms that frequently plague the island. One small stretch of the western shore holds a small dock, a few boats usually moored there. Tucked off the mainland coast in Jamaica Bay, the buildings and lights of the city can be seen far across the water. It's a nice night out, the oppressive heat has given up for the night, and aside from the sounds of celebration around the island it's quiet. Not too far from where Akihiro was skinny dipping he's set himself up on the rocks, and it's clear from the fact that he's fully dressed he didn't come here to swim, rather to think. Aiding that process are four empty bottles of whiskey and a tennis ball in his right hand, which he throws up in the air a few times, before pitching it out into the water farther than he can make out. Anette arrives not by land but by air, having enjoyed the decent temperature from roughly ten feet above the tops of the trees. She lands rather gracefully, silently stepping onto the rocky beach, pulling her wings in tight as she looks around. She picks up on Akihiro almost instantly, despite the distance and darkness. She steps closer, noth announcing her presence but not hiding it either. She walks up to him, close enough to pick up one of the empty bottles and examine the label. "Save any for me?" she asks. "Yeah." Akihiro says, offering the half-full bottle at his side over. "What's up?" he asks quietly, attention shifting over to Anette. "Trust you've been well?" He seems tired, not qutie as happy and carefree as he was earlier. "Thanks," Anette says, taking the bottle and chugging down a few gulps. "Just trying to get in shape again. Without drugs." She looks down to Akihiro, frowning slightly as she takes in his appearance. "What's wrong?" "Just thinking, you know how that is." Akihiro pushes to his feet. "I need to go spend more time down in the gym. Haven't really been there too much after we had that fight in there." He reaches up to tie his hair behind his head, flashing her a smile. Sort of. "You should check out fight club. Haven't been in ages but it's great. Especially learning to handle other abilities." Anette can't help but grin at his comment, handing the bottle back to him as he stands. "Which fight was that one? We've had so many..." "The one about how I left for Hiro and you." Akihiro supplies. "And right now if I fought another person, I'd probably hurt them." He does crack his knuckles thought, one at a time. "I should be in a better mood tomorrow though." "Ah," Anette says, turning her head to look out over the water. "Well then, we should probably keep you away from boxing rings." She glances back towards Akihiro, raising a brow. "Anything special about tomorrow or just that you won't be drunk anymore?" "I'm not drunk right now, just been out here for a while." Akihiro purses his lips, giving his head a slight shake in regards to the question about anything special happening. "Just should have gotten all this negativity out of my system by then, trying to keep it positive." "Anything in particular eating at you or just...everything?" The way everything is said, it's as if Anette couldn't come up with a better word for their current situation. She gives a faint shrug, looking out over the water again. "You have been handling all this better than I thought you would. Maybe the time away did some good after all." "A little of this, a little of that." Akihiro turns his attention out to the water now. "I'm really just kicking myself right now. Caught myself thinking there was a shot we could get back together. Had to come out here and drink it out of my system." He sighs quietly, "I know better. That's the fucked up part. But regardless of how many times I tell myself to stop being stupid, I start getting my hopes up again." Anette sighs softly, continuing to look out over the water. "What makes you so sure I won't return to you?" she asks quietly, arms crossing across her chest as she focuses on the distant horizon. "I don't. But I don't want to get my hopes up only to let myself down harder if you don't." Akihiro says, rubbing at the back of his neck. Anette slowly lowers herself to a boulder. "I'm so sorry for everything," she says, resting her elbows on her knees and propping her forehead against her hands. "I wish this was as simple as you come back and everything returns to normal. I hate seeing you like this. Hurting." "I did this, not you." Akihiro sighs, taking a seat once more. "I didn't just hurt myself, I hurt you too. And I'm sorry." His fists clench and he says quietly, "I'd rather see you happy. Regardless of how it makes me feel." "It...did hurt. But I'm alright now. Mostly." Anette leans back, staring out over the water silently for a moment. "If it...came to that. Could you really handle it? Just...us being friends, like this? I care about you, no matter what and it'd break my heart if you ran off again." Akihiro is silent for a while. "In time." he eventually says. "It'll hurt a lot. But part of me knows that it's going to come down to it anyway." Anette shakes her head, turning her head to watch Akihiro again. "Why do you think that? We had a child in the future. I considered marrying you. Why are you so sure it's over?" Not that she's disagreeing with him. "Because as much as I hate to admit it, Killian treated you better." Akihiro's knuckles go white, he clearly does hate to admit it. "You didn't want to marry me, you didn't even want to be serious. You were going to start a relationship with him when I came in and confused you. It makes perfect sense you wouldn't pick me." "He...has his good side," Anette admits, nodding in agreement. She suddenly tenses though when he mentions her eventually deciding to be in a relationship and she takes a deep breath. "We...already were," she says quietly. "I broke things off with him a few weeks ago while I wrapped my head around...everything." The silence that follows somehow carries a somber tone. "I just...didn't want to drag him through everything. Or hurt him." Akihiro looks over at Anette, brows furrowing. "You told me, more than once, that you were close to starting a relationship with him. Not that you /were/ in a relationship with him." His gaze shifts back out towards the water. "I had been beating myself up over that. But it's also the reason I spoke as freely as I did." He brings a hand up to cover his mouth, paling slightly. "I think I'm gonna be sick." he mutters, it getting muffled more thanks to his palm. Anette shakes her head, hanging it low. "I tried to avoid telling you because I wasn't sure how you'd react but...we were together. Romantically. I was in love with him." She picks up a small rock, chucking it into the water. "It's not often your ex-boyfriend comes back from the dead. Seeing you, I felt...something. But I truly, honestly, didn't know what I felt." Akihiro is quiet for an even longer while, and when he finally comes back around there's the smell of blood in the air as the claw inside his wrist buries itself into his leg. "You should have just told me. That's what I thought at first, but you kept avoiding it." The claw retracts and his leg heals over, but his demeanor has changed even more, now he's clearly sad. "Oh man." He pushes up to his feet, head shaking slowly. "I ju- fuck. Shit." His eyes close as he exhales through his nose, not saying anything else. Anette can pick up the smell of blood, glancing down to Akihiro and, upon realizing what he's done, she quickly shuts her eyes and turns away. "Please Daken," she murmurs quietly, waiting for the sound of his claw retracting. When it does, she slowly opens her eyes and looks back towards him, just in time to see him stand up. "Akihiro, wait..." she says, rising to her feet after him. "I'm sorry. I just...remembered you being jealous. I didn't want to make things worse or you going after him." "I was a monster, I know." Akihiro keeps his eyes squeezed shut. "If that's what you thought of me, go back to him. Don't waste your time talking with me, or spending time with me. Just...go be happy with somebody that you don't have to walk on eggshells around." "And you're going to honestly tell me that hearing I was with Killian makes everything better? How?" Anette says, resting a hand on his arm gently and pausing a moment with a deep breath to collect her thoughts. "I did love you. Maybe...maybe if things were different, it could have worked." She pauses again, choosing her words carefully. "I still love you. Maybe not the same way but I do. And...you will always be the first person I fell in love with. But you were gone and I...moved on." She takes another breath, releasing his arm to step away and look out towards the island. "I think...the reason I didn't want to marry you was because I knew it would never work. A year ago...we were both broken and falling apart. Now, you're doing so much better and I'm still a wreck and believe me, if we started dating again you would learn to despise me." Anette gives a soft chuckle, running her talons through her hair. "And it's the simple matter that I spent so long trying to get over you that I did." "It makes me feel worse, not better." Akihiro says, flinching away from that touch slightly. "You moved on. All I had while I was gone were the clothes on my back, and a picture of you. So, I obviously didn't move on. I spent all this time worrying about you, worrying about causing you to ruin your relationship, and that you had to avoid telling me because you thought I was going to kill him." He laughs, but it isn't a humorous one, it's dry and there's an audible pain to it. "It put what kind of person I am into perspective." and with that he starts to walk off, pointing himself in the direction of the cabins.