ArchivedLogs:Self
| Self | |
|---|---|
| Dramatis Personae | |
| In Absentia
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21 July 2014 Getting to that delayed talk. |
| Location
<NYC> The Grotto - Harbor Commons - Lower East Side | |
The basement of this home does not much resemble the upper levels at all. Stony and rather cave-like, its flooring is rock -- where it has flooring, anyway. The majority of the space in the center of the room is taken up by an indoor pool, of sorts, though the stone ledges around its edge and the tiny ripples of waterfall burbling down into it from stone steps leading in give it more the feel of an indoor /pond/. Somewhere in the side a door leads out to the riverside, and around one rocky wall a small bathroom /also/ has the feel of being carved out of the stone. For the most part, though, the room is just taken up by Pool -- though in the wall on the farthest side away from the pond there's been recessed shelving and storage space cut right into the stony facade. Somewhere upstairs Daiki is nominally cooking, late-late night snack of garlicy sauteed mushrooms and kale to drape over rice; he's only barely been home, a long workday that he is only too /glad/ to shed in favor of food and tea. Shane is yet to /arrive/ home; Evolve doesn't close till late and he only got there in the evening anyway. This means that B, for once, is here before hir brother, recently slipped out of the shower -- the bubblegum scent of hir Snow Fairy soap still lingers in the air, heavier over near the side where the bathroom lurks behind its rockwall. B hirself is settling comfortably down into hir pool, computer out and open on a ledge nearby together with a smoke-black dragonfly drone. The computer and the drone are both out of the way of the water (though the drone can handle it just fine); the handy holographic interface means that B still gets to work just /fine/ from /inside/ the pool. Tucked on a ledge near the pool's edge, hir chest is visible above the water though otherwise ze sits cross-legged on a moss-covered outcropping just below the surface. At the moment working looks -- boring. A terminal, a text editor, a whole lot of code. Hir fingers fly over holographic keyboard, black eyes fixed on the projected screen. It's late again, but the people in this building /do/ lean toward the night owl label. Micah knocks first on the door between his own home and this, stopping to greet Dai and sniff appreciatively at his cooking before asking after B's location. Then he wends his way slowly down the stairs to the basement, only to knock again at the door /there/. He is dressed after-work casual, from mussed hair to faded jeans to his black T-shirt on which Flutterbat spreads her wings over a periwinkle moon. “Hey, sugar. Mind if we interrupt y'for a bit?” Jax is soon to follow Micah down the stairs (still blowing on a way-too-hot couple of mushroom slices that he /pilfered/ shamelessly from Daiki's skillet.) He is blandly dressed, for him -- returned from training exhausted and bruised and after a looong hot shower changed into soft white terrycloth pajama pants and a ribbed grey undershirt. He slurps mushroom off one palm as he pads barefoot into the cavelike basement. "Hey, honey-honey." Past this he's quiet, watching B's face and then looking at the terminal -- only briefly at first but with a greater nosiness once it becomes clear that what's on the screen is /completely/ nothing he even remotely understands. Which means no guilt about over-the-shoulder spying. B sinks a little bit lower in the water at the sound and smell of approaching people, gills shifting slowly open and closed. The motion stirs a brief moment of raspy-coughy breathing, half-submerged gills not /quite/ up to the task of breathing, lungs a little /stupid/ about how to take back over. Ze thumps a fist against hir chest, huge black eyes tilting up towards hir fathers. Hir head bows, a thread of tension slipping through hir shoulders. "We've got this just about ready." Ze gestures -- towards the screen first and then towards the dragonfly. "I'll give you guys three to bring with you on Wednesday, alright? I'm going to be piloting them but Dusk's going to be doing the real work. But you need to make sure they get inside." Maybe shifting straight into conversation means ze's okay to stop working? Well, Micah's sure going to take that as permission. He slips inside, picking his steps carefully on the moist and uneven stone that isn't /precisely/ his favourite choice of footing. “Nothin' short of amazin',” he comments on that...screen full of mostly gobbledygook code that makes the robots go. The mechanical parts he's good at...the computery bits? Less so. “Dusk'll be happy t'have somethin' more.../present/ t'do this time.” Micah finds a bit of good-solid wall to lean against and sticks to it. “Can we...talk, honey? Y'started t'talk at us the other day an'... It wasn't quite the right time yet, I think, for /us/. But we're ready now, if you are.” "Oh. Oh /that's/ what -- wow. OK. Yeah. We'll. Well bring the bugs, can -- can they /seriously/ -- well. I mean. What /can/ they -- do." Jax is eying the dragonfly with a small note of wonder, though he follows along to tuck himself in at Micah's side, one hand moving to his husband's elbow in absently steadying support. He settles down on a rocky ledge-bench beside Micah, a little /ginger/ as he takes his seat, stiffly upright to guard the bruises from the stone. A dusting of pink flushes through his cheeks, head tipping down. "Oh -- oh. Right. That's -- off-subject, um. I'm distracted easy I jus' -- B, I want to apologize for the other day. It -- was a lot to process an' I apologize for blowin' up at you. If you want me t'go an' jus' talk to Micah, that's totally fine by me. But if you're comfortable havin' me I -- want t'/actually/ listen this time." A quick closed-lipped smile touches B's lips briefly. "They can do a lot," ze answers Jax, "but mostly they're gonna give Dusk a link to be able to access the networks there. 'least we hope they are. I'm doing my part, anyway, he's kinda going to be on his own once they're /in/ I don't -- really know /anything/ about all that security stuff." After this ze quiets, eyes a little wider, gills rippling again. Ze looks back to hir work, fingers tapping at the keys. "Stay," ze says softly to Jax, after this. Then, even softer: "I went to Themis House today." “I'll tape you up when we get home, see if we can't do away with some of those bruises a bit faster, since y'need t'be in top shape for Wednesday,” Micah near-whispers, close to Jax's ear. His hand closes over his husband's at that offer to leave, some relief clear in his frame when B says to stay. And tension all over again when ze says that ze went /there/ on hir own. “Just...t'look? 'Cause, honey, they shouldn't be doin' nothin' else without a consent t'treat an' you're not old enough t'sign that legally. But y'know we'll go /with/ you, right?” He reins himself in after that spill of words. “Apologies. I'm. Gettin' all medical personnel again. This is 'bout listenin' t'you. Feel free t'tell me t'shut it.” See? Ziiip. Mouth closed. "Oh /gosh/ y'all is wizards." That is the last Jax has to say on techno-magic, eye shifting slowly away from the dragonfly to his child. There is, notably, a harder tension in the grip of his hand when B says ze /went/ there already, but aside from the clench where his hand holds his husband he stays calm, this time. His teeth press briefly against his lip, though, a furrow in his brow. "You -- did? On your own? What happened?" B saves hir work, closing out of the terminal and flicking hir text editor to minimize it. Ze twists up out of the water, looking over towards hir dads for an also-tense moment that relaxes at the quieter responses. "With Horus," ze answers. "I went to -- to talk about intake. There was a lot of -- a lot of questions?" One shoulder rolls in a shrug. "I don't know. People were nice. A lot of talking.” “Okay. I'm just makin' sure they ain't oversteppin' none. 'Specially 'cause this place is...clinical trials an' not just an accepted treatment centre. Always gotta be rigorous with researchers, 'specially workin' with live an' human subjects.” Micah keeps his tone dispassionately professional on that topic, then drops it entirely. “Could we take a step back? Before all this Themis stuff. There's gotta be...what made y'wanna check 'em out. I just wanna know what you're thinkin' an' feelin', hon. I wanna understand as much as I can so I can help if I can. Make sense?” Jax pulls a knee up towards his chest, bare heel tucking up onto the lip of the stone. "Intake. Does -- that mean you're doin' this for sure?" His brow is still furrowed, teeth wiggling quickly at one lip ring. He lapses back into silence at Micah's question, though, quiet and just listening for a reply. Reply comes in an upturned spreading of webbed fingers, a quick flutter of gills. B shakes hir head, dropping hir hands with a quiet wet smack as they land back in the water. "My whole /life/ made me want to check them out, Ba. Or -- or. Wanting to /have/ one." Micah's hand lifts, fingers itching to pet down those unhappy gills, but they're kind of /over there/ and in the water, so. “I got...the general case, sugar. But I wanna get the feel of what's goin' on in /your/ head. I wanna understand, please. Even somethin' as basic as...is it the way people are treatin' you? 'Cause I know how that...what that is. Or is it /more/ than that? Even if y'weren't leavin' the house /ever/ t'deal with other people, d'/you/ feel...wrong? I'm gonna stop 'fore I put words in your mouth, but. I need you t'guide me through this so I can understand better.” "I think we're just. Wantin' to know if this is born outta -- how you're feelin' about yourself or how other people is treatin' you." Jax's arm wraps tight around his shin, his weight shifting on the bench a little bit closer to Micah. B doesn't answer this at first; ze looks down into the water with a frown, fingers splaying beneath it. Then turns, resting an arm on the lip of the pool and tucking hir cheek down against the crook of an elbow. "I --" Hir dark eyes turn up across the stone room towards hir parents. "How do you even answer that question? I was born like this. My whole life people have treated me -- I don't know what I'd feel if I didn't have to deal with people any more. I /do/ have to deal with people. I'm always going to have to." “I guess...when d'you get t'feel most like /you/? At ease, like yourself?” Micah has found another dose of ambivalence, not wanting to go exploring sore spaces like a tongue prodding an achy tooth, and /yet/. How else to learn? “When you see yourself in the mirror...d'you feel like that's not /you/? Or just somethin' that other people don't like?” "I know. It's -- it makes this all hard to -- there ain't really no /separating/ nobody from the environment they live in." Jax slides down off the bench onto the floor, scooting across the stone to settle cross-legged beside B's pool. His hand reaches out, fingers tracing lightly down against the gills alongside B's neck. "I guess I don't actually know how to answer that question. It's just one I want to help you figure out for yourself if -- if you're gonna be settin' down no roads you can't walk /back/." B's mouth hooks faintly upward, hir eyes closing. "With Shane." This response comes swift and unhesitant. "He's basically /like/ looking in a mirror, right?" There's a small note of amusement in this though it drains away into just softness. Hir head tilts, gills baring happily into the petting. "I feel like myself with him. Out in the water -- just. When we're --" Hir head gives a small shake. "But there's this huge rest of the world and it won't go away." Micah's eyes press closed, brows dipping at that reply. “But, B...honey. What y'just told me is the only time y'feel like /you/ is in /this/ body. With this configuration. Doin' what only it can do. D'you really wanna give up feelin' like /you/ for people who don't even /know/ you?” "But if you feel like yourself when --" Jax breaks off, though the glance he casts back towards Micah suggests that this sentence was going much the same place as his husband's words. "Honey-honey, it's just. What's -- what's gonna make you /happy/?" B's eyes blink back open -- this last question earns Jax nothing but a completely blank look, eyes fixing on hir pa for a moment with non-comprehension. Ze disregards the question, electing instead to give hir head a small shake and look towards Micah. "I feel like /me/," ze agrees very slowly, "but what if I just don't like who /me/ is?"
It's that first blank look, even more than B's verbal answer, that puts an unhappy twinge in Jax's expression, a very faint hitch in his breath. He leans forward, pressing a kiss to B's forehead. "I think your Ba is right. Jus' -- take a little time t'really sort out what it is y'want? An'." His fingers trail against B's gills once more and then fall to the rock beside him. "An' jus' /know/ that whatever it is you're feelin', /we're/ still gonna love you jus' as much. /You/. Whoever it is that -- you. Want t'be." B's eyes flutter closed at the kiss, leaning briefly into the contact before sinking lower in the water until just hir chin rests on the lip of the pool. "-- Horus'll be alone there." This puts a brief troubled frown on hir face. It doesn't leave at the talk of hir time as Chelsea. "... I liked being a girl." Though this isn't quite an answer, hir frown deepening. "But she wasn't /me/ either I -- I don't know. Hir eyes squeeze tighter shut and there are fresh trickles of wet leaking down hir cheeks before ze dunks herself briefly below the water to hide them in /all/ the wet, reappearing with hir whole face freshly dampened. "I don't like being a /freak/. But it kind of cut me off from Shane and /that/ hurt too, I don't. Don't -- know." Micah nods agreement with all of what Jax has to say. “It'd really help t'make that appointment at the Clinic. Also...Jax, honey, d'they have any gender identity specialists...or d'you know any that folks with abilities've used before? 'Cause that's a whole separate issue. An' really...y'should sort /both/ of 'em out 'fore y'act on 'em. Y'should feel like y'know what y'want an' /that's/ what you're goin' for. An' we'll support you through all of it.” The mention of Horus deepens the worry lines on Micah's face. “Does... Horus is still a minor. Who has legal responsibility for 'im? I'm not sure they'd let me... I'd /go/ with 'im t'Themis. I'm just not sure they'd /let/ me, not bein' 'is legal guardian. An' I'm not exactly their favourite person, so I don't think they're gonna be flexible in the least with me.” There's some /grumble/ in this last comment. Jax nods, getting to his feet after B settles into the water to move back towards the wall and offer Micah a steadying hand, head tipping towards to pool with brows lifted, silently questioning if Micah would like to relocate closer. "We got two therapists in the mental health department with lotsa experience in gender issues. On the doctor side -- nobody on /regular/ staff but s'one real lovely doctor from Common Ground that Dr. Toure referred over who works with our patients as-needed. Common Ground's done a lot more work with gender than we have though an' they're pretty good with mutants too? So for those issues alone they might be a /better/ first stop --" He shrugs a shoulder uncertainly, his expression also creasing into worry after this. "Horus don't got no -- I mean he /was/ in the foster system -- theoretically. As a real little kid but he took off an' kinda been off the radar a long time now. S'pose technically he's still a ward'a the state but honestly nobody's /took/ responsibility for him for a long time. Could talk t'Dr. Grey an' see what they /did/ when they was enrollin' him -- I don't really. Deal with none'a that administrative stuff." "Legal responsibility?" B wrinkles up hir nose, shrugging. "On paper, probably someone at Prometheus was the last officially. There was a doctor there who was /our/ legal guardian for a while. I don't think we want ot ask their opinion though." Ze keeps hir head tucked down against hir arm, falling into quiet as hir gills shift open -- they're at least /properly/ breathing, submerged in the water as ze is, though it precludes actual speaking for a time. "What I want," ze finally says, with a small sag of shoulders, "is to be normal." “Okay. We can set all of those things up as soon as y'feel ready for it, B. At Common Ground an' at the Clinic. Help get some /guidance/ goin' on those things so y'can sort it a little better, maybe.” With a nod, Micah takes Jax's hand to help him closer. He /might/ be excessively cautious in light of the water is all. “We should see what's official on Horus. 'Cause...I dunno how he'd even be gettin' /treated/ at Themis without someone signin' for 'im. An' if someone /has/ I'd sorely like t'know /who/. He needs someone t'go with 'im through this, an' that...who's 'family' question's gonna be the first barrier. Think maybe askin' at the school's a good first step, hon.” He falls silent as B speaks again. “What d'you think's gonna give you that feelin', then, sugar?” Jax stays by Micah's side up to the edge of B's pool, settling down at the poolside again once they've arrived. He rolls up one pajama leg -- though his pants are already /pretty/ damp from sitting by the water -- and dangles one leg down into the water beside B. A small ripple of tension tightens his arm at B's words, a brief echoing ripple trembling in the lights. He stays quiet, though, brows just furrowing. B shakes hir head, sliding back out of the water tentatively towards hir fathers but, just as uncertainly, lowering down into it again. "... I wish I knew." Micah holds his arms out and gestures for B to come on up. “C'mere, hon. Or y'can wait for me t'strip an' get m'/leg/ off t'come t'you. Your choice.” He offers a little sliver of smile along with that decision. “We'll get y'set up. At least...be on the road t'figurin' out the /process/ of an answer, maybe. Just...no rash decisions in the meantime, okay? 'Specially not ones y'can't take back if y'change your mind?” Jax takes B's hand when B starts to move towards them, squeezing gently and giving a small inviting tug -- come if you want to come. "And we're gonna be right there with you on that road, aright? S'much as you want us. Or need us." B's expression eases into a small cautious smile at these twinned invitations to affection, posture relaxing. In answer to the tug ze tugs /back/, pressing hir cheek against Jax's hand and pulling towards the water. "It's better in here," ze tells Micah, leaning forward up out of the water to bonk forehead lightly against prosthetic knee. “Seriously? We're going with make the old man take his leg off for hugs?” This accusation comes with no real bite, just an amused grin and one lofted eyebrow. But Micah follows through with the offer, even if it /does/ take some waiting to get through enough clothing to reach said leg, and even longer to get /it/ squared away before he's fit to slide into the water. /Then/ there will be hugs. | |
