ArchivedLogs:Doing Right

Doing Right
Dramatis Personae Anette and Regan	2016-12-27 In which Anette and Regan discussion options, ethics, and Ion's parenting skills
Location <BOM> Front Porch - Main Lodge - Ascension Island
The front porch of the lodge unfurls its way across the entire front length of the building. Stained in a dark reddish finish, it seems to have been refurbished somewhat recently, the sturdy wood rather less weather-beaten than many of the buildings on the island. A half-height railing edges most of the porch, with a wide gated staircase centrally leading to the heavy front door, and ungated ramps at either side end. Protected from all but the most driving of rains by a sloped roof, the porch has been furnished with an assortment of furniture. Wicker rocking chairs, a pair of small square aluminum tables, a hammock at the far right end, a bench swing at the left. Despite the solid locks on the doors and windows, the front door holds a cheerfully flower-edged mat reading WELCOME. For December it's startlingly warm out, even in the early morning -- though perhaps not quite /pleasant/, with a light rain just finished coating the world in damp and grey skies overhead promising more to come. Still, sun or no, the mild weather finds Regan outside -- plate of scrambled eggs and potato hash in her lap, a large mug of coffee on the table just beside her rocking chair, a Kindle in her hand. She might be dressed for work -- grey slacks, dusky rose sweater over a pale blouse -- but, for the moment, at least, work can wait. Coffee, first, and breakfast, the morning stillness only intermittently broken up by the soft creak of wicker as her chair rocks slowly against the porch's wooden slats. Anette walks up towards the cabin porch, wearing a brand new leather jacket over her wings and an AC/DC tour shirt. While looking a bit better than she’s looked the last few days, her eyes are dark and her face is a tad paler than normal. But her hair looks bathed and the ponytail at least looks like some effort went into making it look presentable. It’s not until she’s nearly on the steps that she looks up and notices Regan, so lost in her own thoughts. “Oh. Hello. I was just looking for you actually.” She glances over Regan’s plate of food and coffee before taking half a step back. “Sorry. Hope I’m not interrupting. I can catch you later if you like?” She almost seems like she’s looking for an excuse not to talk, despite her statement about looking for Regan. Regan's pale blue eyes flick up from the Kindle before she is addressed, tracking Anette's progress toward the porch. She lays the e-reader down in her lap, though she keeps her fork. Spears up a small mouthful of hot-sauce-laced eggs as Anette speaks. She washes it down with a mouthful of coffee prior to answering. "No, you're not interrupting. {Please.}" The brief switch to Spanish comes in invitation -- she gestures with her mug towards an empty chair beside hers. "Looking for me? What's on your mind?" Anette glances towards the offered seat, pausing a moment before she slowly makes her way over and sits down. “Sorry. I just…” She takes a deep breath, turning to look out over the island for a few seconds before turning back to Regan. “I’m pregnant. I...figured you’d want, need to know.” She exhales, leaning forward, her elbows on her legs as she stares down at porch. “Every time I say it out loud, it feels more real.” Regan's lips compress very faintly at the apology, but she says nothing. Says nothing, at first, after Anette's declaration either; she raises her mug to take a long swallow of coffee. "Do you know how far along you are?" is the first question she asks, once she lowers the mug again. “A few weeks, I think. Maybe a month. I don’t know. I haven’t been to a...doctor or anything. I just peed on the stick and ‘surprise’,” Anette rubbing at her eyes before sitting back up and looking out past the porch and out towards the island. “I have no idea what to do.” "Ah." Regan's eyes follow the path of Anette's -- turning out toward the rest of the grounds, focused somewhere across the clearing at the trees. "I know trustworthy doctors in the city, if you would like to make an appointment." One long forefinger taps against the side of her mug slowly. "You do have options. What would you /like/ to do?" “That’s probably a good idea,” Anette agrees, also focusing elsewhere on the island even as she speaks to Regan. She does chuckle softly at Regan’s next question and shakes her head. “That’s the problem, too many options. And they all feel...wrong.” She takes another deep breath before turning back towards Regan. “I suppose I have some time to figure it out. Not a lot, but some.” "Not a lot." Regan's agreement come mildly. "It is a fairly serious decision. Bringing a life into a life like ours --" Her eyes lower to her mug; she sips her coffee slowly. "Well. At its base, you can carry this to term, or you can not. What do you think your life would look like, in those cases?" “A life like ours,” Anette repeats, nodding her head gently. “It should be simple. I should just...go right now and get it taken care of. It’s the only option that makes any sense. But…” She presses her lips together, glancing off to the she as she tries to collect her thoughts. “I have made so many mistakes. I have done terrible things, with good intentions and for my own selfish reasons. Maybe this is my chance to do something good. What’s more selfless than bringing a life in the world? Even Akihiro said, maybe they’ll make the difference we’ve been trying to.” She leans forward, propping her elbows on her knees and burying her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes and forehead gently. “Or I’d just fuck that up, too. I’m the last person on the fucking planet that should be a parent.” This time only one of Regan's brows lifts. Her expression is pensive, her voice thoughtful and measured when she speaks. "There are many things more selfless -- depending on your reasons behind them." Her lips purse in brief consideration. "You may fuck it up. Most parents do. They might do amazing things, or horrible ones, quite independently of how you raise them. But bringing a life into this world as some kind of chance at redemption -- a blank slate to project your wishes onto in hope that they'll transcend your mistakes --" The shake of her head is small. "People exist for their own reasons. Not ours." She allows herself a smile -- small, too -- before her next sip of coffee. "You're a little hard on yourself, besides. We've all made mistakes. But /you/ still have plenty of time in your life to do quite a lot of good all on your own, if you wanted to try." “Of course you’re right,” Anette mumbles, sitting back up. “I also can’t help but think. In the future, the dreams, I had a child. As terrible as that world was, I still had him. Maybe it was because there weren’t a lot of clinics running. Actually, that’s probably why. But maybe I had a reason to keep him.” She takes a deep breath, her eyes becoming distant as she falls back into her memories. “And I loved him. I loved him so much. And now I have this opportunity to feel that again, only for real.” She chuckles and shakes her head. “Maybe I could pass it off to Ion. He seems to be doing well with the child raising,” Anette adds with a faint joking tone in her voice. "I don't think there was a plethora of available options to anyone, in that world. I wouldn't read that future as too much of a /guideline/." There's a thin hard press to Regan's lips, for a moment. "Egg is in very good hands. But Ion struggles more than you see. Perhaps if you have uncertainties, he might be a good person to talk to." She sets her coffee down on a knee, turning a scrutinizing look on Anette. "An opportunity to feel that again. Remind me again about how creating a life is selfless?" She turns one hand up, outward toward Anette. "Our life here is rather fraught with dangers -- that we take on willingly, to /try/ and bring some better changes to the world. We don't bring new people into this lightly even when they do have a choice in it. When that new person has no say in the matter, it should be given all the more weight. We," now with a gesture around to the island at large, "will be here to support you whatever decision you make. I trust that you'll give due consideration -- to what is best for you, certainly. And also what might be best for them." “That’s...not a bad idea actually,” Anette says in response to the suggestion of speaking to Ion. She gives a faint smile as Regan points out her contradiction. “Maybe not completely selfless. But still not so horrible.” Her expression sobers as Regan continues and she nods along. “Believe me, I haven’t done anything but ‘give due consideration’ since I found out. I just wish it was simple as doing what was right. I’ve never been good at figuring that out, even when there wasn’t so much grey area.” "It's not an easy question," Regan agrees quietly. "And I'll be here to give what support I can. While you figure it out, and after." She picks her mug back up, getting to her feet. "Come on. Heavy thinking is best done while well-fed. I'll get you some breakfast. It's not," her smile is small and quick, "much of a start, I admit. But we have to start somewhere."