ArchivedLogs:Uncertain Guidance

Uncertain Guidance
Dramatis Personae Jackson, Rasa, Ross
In Absentia	2013-10-07 '
Location <XS> Stables
The distinctive smell of hay and sawdust and horses greets visitors to this large barn, kept well-tended by the stablehand and those who have a passion here for equestrianism. The horses at Xavier's are well cared for, stabled in comfortable stalls. The walls host a plethora of tack for those who wish to take a jaunt around the grounds. It's lunchtime, at Xavier's, and with most people up at the mansion eating or doing last-minute homework (or last-minute grading), the grounds outside the immediate mansion vicinity are quiet. Out in the stables it is never /empty/, with the horses always housed there, but at the moment it is deserted of human forms -- almost. One stall far down the row towards the back wall has been opened, the sound of quiet humming coming from inside, set quietly against the backround tail-swishing and hay-chewing that are currently the only /other/ sounds in the stables. Jackson has taken up residence just in the entryway of the stall, occupied by a tall black mare, white star and socks and sleekly muscled build. He's not doing anything but eating his lunch; there are grooming tools set on the messenger bag leaning up against the wall just /outside/ the stall, but he's perched himself on a small stool with a thermos of soup. And a tupperware of apples and carrot slices, which, intermittently, he feeds to the mare that is snuffling at his red-orange-yellow flame-dyed hair. It's warm outside but threatening rain; there's a dry umbrella, bright yellow, beside his bag. He's dressed brightly, too; sky-blue halter dress, shiny silver leggings, an also shiny-silver jacket folded neatly atop his bag. The slim black collar and cuffs that he usually wears have been joined today by a new ring on his finger, fiery sunstone (it matches his hair!) set in a white gold setting. Rasa makes hir way into the stables quietly, dressed in a simple yellow dress that looks two sizes too big, hanging down to hir shins, with big looping bows at hir shoulders, keeping the dress up. The brightness of the material contrasts strongly with the gray of hir skin. One hand holds a bottle of a thick milky liquid while the other touches lightly to different posts and gates, which is not the best of activities when one is wearing long white gloves. Ze doesn't seem to care though, nor about the type of muck that might get stuck to hir sandaled feet. Ze is looking for someone, and when ze comes upon Jackson, ze seems to have found him. "Oh, Mr. Holland. I was wondering if I could talk to you? I know you're not my advisor, but Mr. Logan doesn't seem to be coming back any time soon from wherever he went this time, and I don't know if he's the best person to ask anyway... But all of this is rather silly if you'd rather just eat your lunch in peace." Right now, Ross is also on her way to the stables, looking for somewhere quiet to eat lunch, dressed in a plain black t-shirt and jeans, with finger-less gloves on her hands. In one arm is a sketch pad and pen, whilst the other arm holds a lunch tote. As she approaches the stables, she spots Rasa and Jackson. Learning from past mistakes, she is quiet in her movements, and speaks quietly when addressing them. "Hello Rasa, Mr. Holland. How are you guys today..? I just came out here to find somewhere quiet to eat and draw, but if you guys are busy...". "Oh!" Jackson looks up as his horse does, the latter whickering softly and backing just a little further into her stall. "Rasa, hey. You -- of course y'can talk to me, honey-honey, though um. If your advisor's left for an extended period'a time you should get a new one, you don't. Shouldn't -- be too long without." He gestures out into the aisle. "Should be more stools at the end, y'can pull one up." A quick smile flits across his face, bright but brief, when Ross enters. "Hey, Ross. Um -- if you just want a quiet place to eat an' draw that shouldn't -- interrupt us none, should it?" He sounds a little puzzled on this point. "S'plenty'a room in here just, be mindful of the horses some'a them spook easy." "Ross," Rasa greets the other student quietly as ze turns to find one of the aforementioned stools. Ze balances hir bottle on top of the seat of one and cradles the bottle against hir chest as ze lifts the stool and carries it over to Jax's picnic place. "Yeah. I should do that. I just got distracted by things." Ze pauses and glances at Ross. "I, um, you don't really need to ask to not be involved in a conversation." Ze picks up hir bottle and settles on the seat. "This is kind of about class, but something I didn't want to ask in front of the whole class." Ross nods, as she takes a seat on an extra stool. She looks into her bag, examining a sandwich and a banana. Instead of delving right into lunch, she instead turns to her sketchpad, which has an unfinished piece on it. She grabs her pen, and slowly begins to sketch, but then says some suddenly. "I just..uh..didn't want to be rude and interrupt, is all.". She then returns to sketching, grabbing her banana with a free hand. "It's okay. I can talk to the administration if you like. Um -- is there anyone you feel particularly comfortable with? There's some limitation based on who has time but we try to make sure everyone's got someone they /like/. Someone that -- helps." Jackson pours some of his soup into the cap of his thermos, leaning back against the stall door. Ramiel watches Rasa warily as ze settles down. Jax digs a slice of carrot out of his tupperware, holding it up on a palm towards the horse. "Er -- OK. Well, if you want quiet time we won't interrupt you neither." His attention turns back to Rasa. "Class? My class or some other class?" "Oh. I don't know. I think Kurt is a teacher I get along with well, but I don't know as we haven't spoken much this semester. Can I get back to you on that later?" Rasa pops the cap on hir beverage and takes a sip, drinking down a little as Ross gets settled. "Okay. Have a nice lunch." Ze then turns back to Jackson. "About your class, Gender and Sexuality? I wanted to know if you were going to cover asexuality." Ross unpeels her banana, eating it slowly. She continues sketching, listening to the conversation, her ears perking up on the Asexuality comment. As she eats her banana, her arm slips, and suddenly, her sketchpad is falling to the ground. Ross slightly panics, as she sort of /dives/ for the pad, grabbing it before it hits the ground. She begins brushing it off, slightly worried. "Oh crap, that was close.". "Course you can." Jackson lifts the cap of his thermos, sipping the soup out of it slowly as Rasa speaks. "We are. I'm doin' my best t'cover a range of sexualities an' gender identities though um." His cheeks flush slightly, a smattering of pink rising in them. "It'd take way more'n one trimester to cover everything I wish I could. Do better if this course ran for two. I'll do what I can in the time I got, though. Is that a topic that's important to you?" His eye flicks out of the stall, at Ross's outburst. "S'okay, I drop mine all the time. They're books, they'll live." "I don't know." Rasa replies, watching Ross's antics with a distracted gaze. "I mean, naturally and by myself, I am asexual. I don't know if it really warrants discussion because I get that better than say the fact that I am agendered. I mostly wanted to know more about asexual time periods in other people's lives... if you can call them that. Is it bad to call it that, if they just seem to have stopped being sexually motivated when they were before, or is that too harsh of a term?" Ross looks at her sketchbook, and then the others. She grabs her lunchbag, before standing up. "I uh..actually have somewhere to be. Goodbye, guys...". She's then leaving the stable, heading towards the main building. And then she's gone. "Bye, Ross!" Jackson only looks after Ross for a moment, then turns his attention back to Rasa. He taps the rim of his cup lightly against his teeth, and takes another sip. "Naturally an' by yourself? So -- with other people you pick up on -- what they want?" His brow creases at the mention of other people. "If you're talkin' about other people -- it ain't quite that simple, and I don't think I /could/ call it that. I mean --" He draws in a breath, slow, turning his gaze upwards as he considers. "Sexuality ain't always so concrete. An' if someone's going through a /period/ where they don't have no interest in sex, /they/ might still consider themselves t'have a different sexuality than asexual, an' just not have any interest for a while. Just like someone who considers themselves asexual might find a period or -- a person where they have more interest, but still be asexual overall. /I'd/ hesitate to throw labels at anyone's sexuality based on what they're feeling any given moment. S'up to every given person to choose what feels right to them." He takes a gulp of his soup, looking back to Rasa. "That said, I'll definitely be talkin' about the ways sexuality can be fluid over time, over situations, even within the same person. It ain't like /you/ gotta pick a label and stick yourself in that box forever. Everyone's needs and feelings can change." "Bye," Rasa also offers to Ross before settling in on the conversation with Jackson. "Okay. and Yes. When I am by myself I don't really feel the motivation to kiss anyone - though, I guess that is changing. I feel the desire to be with Ivan now, but that's mostly because I care about him and the sensations I used to feel when I touched him were enjoyable." Ze presses the lid on hir bottle until it clicks into place with a small popping noise. Ze looks down at hir feet as ze talks. "I miss it now and it's weird and I don't know how to talk about it with him." A pinkish glow starts to appear around the base of hir neck and spread upwards, radiating from hir hair line outwards. "I shouldn't worry, because I still feel how much he cares, but maybe I am ... worrying anyway." "Used to? You don't feel that anymore?" Jackson's teeth catch between his lips, a sudden realization dawning. "-- Or he doesn't." His fingers tap against his thermos. Ramiel's head cranes closer; it's reflexive and unthinking when he lifts a hand to curl around her head, rubbing absently behind her large jaw. "S'natural to worry when there's big changes in the people you know. But there's so many reasons it could be. It could be somethin' worrying or it could be just a lot on his mind or it could just be a period where he's got a low sex drive, which -- happens. There ain't really a lot of way to know without talkin' to him about what he's feeling." "He doesn't. Hasn't since... since he was taken. And at first, he kind of wanted to prove it was okay and he still wanted that with me, but now ... all he really thinks about are the bug thoughts." Rasa draw a knee up to hir chest and hugs it, resting hir cheek on the top. "If it's normal... I don't need to make a big deal out of it. If he's not feeling it, he certainly doesn't need to manufacture it for me. I just didn't know if it was normal." "Bug thoughts," Jackson echoes, quietly down into his cup. "No, I mean, I think --" He sounds a little bit wry. "That around here we got a different sorta standard for normal. But if his mutation's interfering with his regular feelings --" His teeth sink down against his lip again. "I been his advisor for a while but -- that sounds like the kinda thing might be more in the Professor's domain than a sex ed teacher. I'll talk to him. He might have better insight than I do." "Oh god. You mean you're going to tell other people about this? I mean... I don't know if he'd want me telling people that he... wasn't feeling frisky. I just..." And then Rasa turns beet red, shoulders hunching as ze tries (and succeeds) to get smaller. "I mean - I am probably invading his privacy talking about what goes on telepathically between us, but I don't know what to think and I've never... I don't... fuck." A cascade of words tumble over themselves across hir skin, but the shades are all too similar to make the words very legible. Ze mostly seems to be berating hirself. "Could you tell him about the bug thoughts being very distracting without... mentioning that part?" "No, Rasa, I'm not," Jackson begins patiently, but then quiets to let Rasa finish hir speaking. "-- Going to talk to the Professor about you and Ivan's sex life," he finishes at the end of this. "But difficulties with his /abilities/ -- losing his mind to the insects /is/ something the Professor should know about. I've tried to work with Ivan on it for a long while, but I'm clearly not actually equipped to help him how he needs. When it comes to mental powers, the Professor can help in ways I couldn't even start to think of." "Okay. I'm sorry. I just... sorry. I panicked a little. I hope I didn't scare the horses." Rasa looks around, hir voice getting quieter and quieter. "I am worried about him too. I know he's still in there and he still does his homework and feeds himself mostly. He just... doesn't want to do other stuff." "Ramiel's fine when I'm around." Jackson pats at the horse's head gently. Her tail flicks restlessly against her haunches. "It's pretty reasonable to be worried 'bout that. Goin' through the motions of keepin' life going ain't hardly the same as --" He draws in a breath. "I'll see what help we can get him," he says instead. "I'm sorry I ain't been helping enough. I'll check in with you, too, 'bout gettin' a new advisor. You should have support, yourself." "I... you don't have to apologize. I am more supported here than I've been in a very long time. I'm surrounded by people who care and I can talk to. Is it really so bad I don't have someone assigned to check in on me?" Rasa relaxes just a tiny bit, nudging hir position in hir chair to face Jackson a little better. "You may want to check in with Peter though. I spoke to him the other day about Halloween and he didn't seem comfortable without his skin covered. He's got Doctor McCoy, I guess, but he seems to only wanting to be pushing himself right now... and not have fun." "Peter? Oh, I'll --" For a brief moment Jackson falters, looking down contemplatively at his soup as he bonks his head up against Ramiel's nose. "Right, OK. Yeah. I'll talk to him." He smiles, quick and bright. "I mean, if you can't be what you want to be on Halloween, when can you?" He finishes the rest of the soup that he's poured out into his lid, swishing around the still largely-full thermos in one hand afterwards. "Shane's been worried about him, too. Maybe the both him and Ivan need a bit of pick-me-up. Was a rough few months." "Yeah. They do." Rasa agrees quietly and flicks the lid on hir bottle and takes a sip of the protein drink inside. "Halloween should be fun. I want to get some stage makeup and paint Peter up to be something fearsome." "Halloween 'round here is always a good time. Though I don't know if fearsome's really what Peter --" Jax stops, and shakes his head with a small smile. "It sounds like fun. You got any plans for it yet?" "Plans?" Rasa blinks at Jax and then gives a little shrug, hir red fading away slowly. "There's the dance, but that's it. I'll probably go for a while and then see what Ivan's doing. Maybe watch a movie." Ze lowers hirself to hir feet and stretches a little. "What do you usually do for Halloween?" "People plan parties. Plan to go out. S'always things goin' on in Salem --" Jackson shrugs a shoulder. "I mean, and the dance, too. Dinner's usually way more extravagant for holidays." His fingers curl in towards his palm, thumb rubbing slowly against his knuckles. "Me?" He sounds surprised at this question. "I'll probably be -- chaperoning the dance, that's what I was doing last year." "Ah. I guess I don't really plan much stuff." Rasa picks up the stool ze brought out and moves it back where it belongs. Ze moves away lightly scratching at a piece of hay that lands on hir head. "At least not this far ahead of time. I don't know what's going to happen between now and then. Maybe Ivan gets better and we go out or maybe plan a party of our own and that'd be cool." "Well, the point is to have fun so you probably don't need to spend that much effort thinking about it. Just -- roll with whatever comes up and enjoy yourself. I'll talk to the Professor." He bites down on his lip, glancing at his thermos and then grudgingly re-capping it. "Guess class is soon. See you." "Yeah. See you later." Rasa performs a little bow and steps back, giving an awkward little wave before turning and heading out of the stables to get ready for class. from: Jackson Holland <littlemisssunshine@xaviers.edu> to: Charles Xavier <professorx@xaviers.edu> date: Mon, Oct 7, 2013 at 01:07 PM subject: Ivan Professor, I'd like to talk to you about Ivan, when you get a chance. I'm not sure I'm doing any good as his advisor -- in fact, I think he's actually gotten worse in regards to dealing with his powers, under my instruction. Given everything he's been through I think he might need someone with a lot more experience than I have. I'm pretty worried about him, but I think he'd do better under someone else's guidance. You might be able to help him a lot more than me, sir. At any rate, I'd like to discuss his situation at your earliest convenience. Thank you, Jax