Logs:Guilt Monster

Guilt Monster
Dramatis Personae Lily, Scramble
In Absentia	2022-02-03 “Maybe not old, but you seem pretty wise to me.”
Location <NYC> Freaktown - Riverdale - The Bronx
Freaktown is all dressed up for Lunar New Year in red lanterns and garlands, couplets and paper cuttings, and one adorable blow-up tiger on the lawn of the Guest House. There's not much in the way of visible festivities at the moment, though, the cold rain having dampened any who might be inclined to lounge outside and set off firecrackers. Out in the greenhouse attached to the mansion in question, Scramble is folded up into a swing chair, her long limbs perhaps surprisingly graceful in that arrangement. Her hair has grown back out enough to be teased out into a soft, perfect 'fro, and she's wearing a black mandarin collar blouse under a gold kente cloth vest, black jeans that lace up the sides from cuff to hips, and black boots with chunky heels. She's got a beer in one hand that she's been neglecting in favor of the joint in her other hand, her eyes trained up at the raindrops sliding down the glass. The door from the main part of the mansion swings open, the creak of hinges just audible over the pitter patter of rain on glass. She’s dressed in a light grey sweater, black barrel cut jeans, and paintsplattered Chelsea boots, with her hair braided down the center of her head and sling over one shoulder. There’s a chain cinched onto one loop of her jeans, tucked into her right hand pocket. On her left arm is a cotton bag, weighted down with a small hand shovel. Lily appears to be on a mission, walking with purpose to the root vegetables. She slows to a small stop when she sees Scramble. She gives a little wave at first, followed by a soft “Hey” and a small smile. “Not on patrol today?” Scramble turns when Lily comes into view, blinking slowly. "Nah. Just trying to chill today." She looks back out into the garden, the quiet between them momentarily highlighting the soft taps of rain drops against the glass. "You get drafted by the kitchen crew? They ain't fucking around this week, you in for a treat if you stay for dinner." “Mm.” Lily nods, tilting her head in the direction of the herbs and tubers. “I believe you — seems like they just started and it smells amazing.” She tucks one hand into her pocket, wrapping around something round inside. “ I was mostly here to pretend to be a doctor, but kitchen hand is a welcome job change.” Scramble's brows lift up slightly. She taps her foot against the side of a flower bed to rotate her bobbling seat toward Lily. "Ain't you a whole medic?" Faint hint of a smile. "I'd take any decent street medic over an actual doctor about 75% of the time. Or do you mean the copy-a-healer-for-the-day kind of doctoring?" Lily’s smile stays small, a faint flush in the tops of her cheeks. “Yeah. Whole medic. About 75% of an actual doctor. Also a healer for a couple more hours, if you need that sort of thing.” She shrugs, small, her smile fading. “I try to be useful.” "You, too, huh? Guess it's in the blood." Scramble shakes her head and puffs on her joint. "I'm aight, except where I ain't, and if it's Eloise's healing you got there's nothin' you can do about this kinda sick. Now, I'm glad you helping, powers or no powers, but you know you got a right to be here regardless." Hesitates a fraction of a beat, then offers the joint out to Lily with one uplifted brow. "I'm up to date on Leo's latest and best, in case you're worried about the 'rona." There’s a shift in Lily’s expression, just for a moment — the smile falls, the hand in her pocket squeezes tight around the watch there — before she responds. “Think it’s a twin thing. Rest of the family is —“ She doesn’t finish, just shrugs. The smile doesn’t quite come back, but some tension in her jaw eases. “People keep telling me that. The day I can make myself believe it, I’ll probably move in.” Lily stares at the offered joint for a moment, then crosses the space between them to take it. “Thanks.” She takes a drag, passes it back before blowing smoke up towards the rain. “I like your outfit. The pants are neat.” "Rest of the family ain't here," Scramble points out. "You are, and that says something. I don't even just mean moving to Freaktown, though. I'm talking about our wholeass community. Been here a year now, but it feels like you still trying to earn your keep." She accepts the joint back and takes a leisurely puff, her smile returning slow. "Thank you. Not sure the clients I met with earlier would have agreed. Luckily, what they can't see over Zoom can't hurt them." There's a little pink in Lily's cheeks when she glances down at the laces on Scramble's legs. "Your clients sound boring." Lily's gaze drifts up, following the smoke as it rises. "Have I earned it?" It's not really a question. The rain tap-tap-taps on the roof. "There is just so much I feel like owe h- here." Her words come slow and quiet. "You would think the guilt would have started to ease by now. Just a little." "They get paid good money to be boring, and I do reluctantly admire that kind of hustle." Scramble shrugs one slender shoulder. "You're here, you're one of us, and you're putting in the work. Don't change the past, and it ain't like an equation you can just balance out, but I think you've made it pretty clear whose side you're on." She crosses her legs and gives a small kick to set her seat swinging. "Sometimes guilt goes away on its own, sometimes you got to figure out how to let it go, sometimes you just learn to live with it. It can even be useful, help remind folks to do better. But see, I don't think you need that. I think you're doing all this because you care." Lily is quiet for a moment, digesting Scramble’s words. Her expression is still, contemplative, until one eyebrow quirks up in slight amusement. “You’re, what, my age? Little younger? Where did you get all that good advice?” There’s a little teasing edge to her tone. “You an older sister, too?” Scramble guffaws. "Middle child. I got a couple of years on you, but not enough to grow old and wise just yet. I like to imagine being 12 kinds of crazy on a semi-permanent basis give me some insight on hearts and minds." She shakes her head. "Besides, I've had to reckon with hurting a lot of people. I think the more of ourselves we give to guilt, the less we have to give the people around us." “Maybe not old, but you seem pretty wise to me.” There’s a small stutter between pretty and wise, like there was going to be some quip in there before Lily thought better of it. She loops a small length of chain around her index finger. “So give more to each other? Less to the guilt monster?” The chain untwists. “Got an idea on that track, if you ever want a break from —“ Lily stops, bites her lip, just taps her temple instead and gives another shrug. "You win." Scramble finally seems to remember her beer, only to set it down on the log side table. "I accept the compliment. Don't get it twisted, through -- it ain't like I hang around waiting to distribute sage yet down-to-earth advice to any random white folk." She quirks a grin and actually blows a smoke ring with her next exhale, then offer Lily the joint again. "But whether it was guilt or not, you put yourself in a lot of danger to help my family out of dire straits. As far as I'm concerned, you got nothing to prove on that front." Her eyebrows arch high. "If you mean borrowing mine, it's hard to control if you ain't familiar. And if you did figure out how to sort this?" She taps her own temple now. "It makes you crazy." Lily’s smile comes a little easier when she takes the joint. “Noted. You know how to make a girl feel special.” Breathes in deep off the joint, holds the smoke in while Scramble talks, releases when the other woman taps on her head. “Mm. Was just an idea. I figure I could do chemical imbalance for a day if it helped you the way it helped Polaris. I’m no Joshua, though.” "It might not be just a day -- sometimes those chemical imbalances just hit you wrong." Scramble shakes her head, though her smile broadens. "When I dragged Polaris down from full manic psychosis, I was seeing and hearing shit for the better part of the next two days. I was prepared for it, I knew how to get through it, but it sure wasn't fun." Her eyes are lingering on Lily, candid and unabashed. "If that's something you actually want to do for me, you'd be better off just letting me do it to you. I can aim you toward more manageable imbalances, spread things out so it's not too intense, try to soften the impact. No shame if that's just too creepy, but I'm just the more experienced sanity vampire here." Lily looks up, meeting Scramble's gaze with her own determined stare. "I'm not going to try if you don't want me to, but I didn't offer because I thought it was going to be fun for me." Her fingers press against the chain again. "Just thought -- maybe you would want a break now and then. If you do, I'm willing to learn." She holds the joint back out to Scramble, eyebrows slightly raised. Scramble does not immediately answer, though she takes the joint back and uses the space of a long breath to consider. "I do take breaks. It's just been tough lately." She nods slowly, almost to herself. "Aight. I can guide you, try to leave your head functional. Shouldn't be too bad, I ain't that far gone, but this shit got a mind of its own sometimes, so... Best make sure you got a few hours free before we start." Her smile returns slowly. "It's pretty uncommon for folks who don't already know me really well to offer this sort of thing. I appreciate it, a lot, but hope it ain't the guilt monster putting you up to this." Lily's smile creeps back slowly too, pleased and relieved and a little pink in the tops of her cheeks. "I don't have plans after dinner, if you're not in a rush." She rubs her thumb against the chain again before letting go. "The guilt monster doesn't usually have such specific ideas. She's way more into, like, generally working myself into an early grave, type of thing. And I certainly wouldn't mind getting to know you better." She steps back, half-facing towards the herbs she was sent to get in the first place. "I'll see you later."