Logs:In Good Faith

In Good Faith
Dramatis Personae DJ, Lily, Polaris	2020-12-15 "So you're like. His clone? Long-lost triplet? Mirror universe double?"
Location <NYC> Manhattan Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Lincoln Square
Unlike most other temples of the Church, this one was converted from an existing building, with a single corner spire supporting the iconic statue of the Angel Moroni. Much of the interior is stark white but comfortably appointed, the simple adornments rich with LDS symbolism through five storeys of various spaces available for both the business and spiritual needs of the stake. On any given evening there are a number of activities going on somewhere in the building, and at the moment one of these is packing and distributing goods for the stake's massive food pantry operation. One of the large multipurpose rooms has been given over to this communal work, groups of volunteers sitting at tables that have been organized into miniature assembly lines for boxes of nonperishable foods and household necessities. Despite the apparent casual social nature--participants pausing and giving their task over while they drift between tables or out into the hallway--the entire process is stunningly efficient. Polaris has been here for a little while, chatting with the other volunteers at her table. She's dressed casually compared to her usual temple attire, but still more conservative than is her wont in other areas of her life, in a purple velvet top with gauzy flared burnout sleeves from the elbows down, a black suede yoked skirt, and knee-high black boots. Her long green hair is neatly but plainly braided to keep out of her way, and she wears only a light touch of makeup that the untrained eye might not even notice. At another table, Lily has been quietly working. She has tried to make small talk with the other volunteers but has settled into just listening to them swap stories now, diligently closing up each box as it completes its loop. She’s tried her best for modesty, but there isn’t much in her wardrobe that fits with the rest of the ward - black sweater tucked into grey slacks, brown lace up boots with a small heel. Her hair is hangs in a braid over her left shoulder, carefully arranged to hide the helix piercings there - in her other ear, the straight barbell going through her cartilage is probably just as distracting to the faithful folks around her, but at least that ear has lobe piercings. She jumps when there is a tap at her shoulder, looking up into the warm face of another participant ready to take her spot in the assembly line. “Thank you,” she murmurs, extracting herself from the folding chair. Lily glances over at Polaris, waits to catch her eye before indicating with a quick thumb over her shoulder that she is headed to the hallway. Waits another moment before actually walking out there, her shoulders tensing as she waits. Polaris looks up and sees Lily rise, holding up one finger and then waving a woman over from the unboxing table to take over for her. "Thanks Deb, you're a doll!" She flashes her substitute and the others at her table a smile and smooths her skirt over as she rises and hooks her plain black purse over one shoulder. "I'll see you all tomorrow night, yeah?" earns her a chorus of warm agreement as she extricates herself and goes to Lily. Her "Hey," is mildly awkward in contrast to her easy chatter just a moment ago, but she moves confidently enough as she sweeps the other woman out into the hall. "Thanks for showing up. I didn't mean this as some kind of guilt trip, I just thought..." She shakes her head. "Anyway, you wanna go um--grab a bite to eat?" Half a beat later. "Or. Something?" Lily is also painfully awkward, hugging her purse to her side as Polaris joins her. “No it was - it was a good idea. I wouldn’t have come if it was just me but —“ She glances over her shoulder at the room of volunteers. “I do miss this part of the Church. Not everything. Not most things. But I always liked this bit.” She pulls her gaze away, looking back to Polaris with a nervous smile. “I could do food. Or drinks.” She hastens to add, “Of the warm, not caffeinated kind. If that’s where you’re at. Whatever you’d like - I just appreciate you actually…” her cheeks warm, “being willing to hear me out. Again.” The man coming down the hallway is a very familiar face around here, and it is perhaps some combination of his particular quirk of movement together with the bulk of the building's current occupants being in the room behind them that he's gotten this far largely unmolested. DJ is neatly groomed, beard freshly trimmed, dressed simply, grey corduroys and a heavy canvas jacket over his neat button-down; at his side his left sleeve hangs empty. As he rounds the corner he's actually just walking, though, slow and wide-eyed and wondering as he trails fingertips lightly against the wall, looks up at the pictures hung there. When he looks towards the two women conversing, though, he freezes. The color drains from his face and his eyes go very wide, fingers pressing harder against the wall that he's abruptly now leaning against. Polaris's laugh is a short, breathy thing. "Oh man, I like cocoa and all, but I drink so much coffee. Too much temptation, at Evolve." She leads the other woman down the hallway, confident in her bearings despite the austere whiteness that seem the same around every turn. "I wanna be clear I was--very not okay? Last time? But like--" She stops mid-stride, almost stumbles, her eyes narrowing hard at the empty hallway head of them...until DJ comes into view. There's a faint rattling all around them, picture frames and pieces of furniture knocking quietly against the walls like one of the many recent tremors except that the ground isn't shaking. Polaris is, though. She opens her mouth to speak, and then just faints dead away. “Oh, good.” Lily’s voice has a touch of relief in it, following in Polaris’ footsteps with a lighter step now. “Let me buy. Coffee or cocoa, doesn’t matter to me.” She’s not quite looking where she’s going, trusting Polaris to get them out of the building. She doesn’t see why Polaris has stopped at first, arm going to catch her when it looks like she’s going to trip before her eyes fly up to the man ahead of them. Her face drains of colour. “What -“ is as far as she gets before Polaris collapses. “Oh shit.” She sinks to the floor, rolling Polaris onto her back and checking her pulse and breathing. Where DJ was staring, in the very next moment he's moving, a rapid blur that is suddenly there at Polaris's side even before she's fully hit the ground. His arm cushions her fall in the final moment, but he's drawing back the very next instant, staring at Lily first. Then down at Polaris. Then back at Lily. He rocks back to sit heavily on the floor, hand lifting to half-cover his mouth. Polaris's pulse is fast but steady, her breathing a little shallow, her usually pale face ashen. It's only a few seconds before her eyes start fluttering open, though they fail to focus on Lily or DJ at first, wandering the bright white expanse of the ceiling. Then she draws a sharp breath and flails in a frantic ungraceful attempt to right herself. The rattling starts up around them again, then abruptly stills as she finally sits up and looks at DJ, rubbing the side of her head. "Dawson?" This in a choked whisper. Then suddenly, wide hazel eyes going yet wider, "Fuck, am I dead? What degree of glory is this I do not remember dying." She suddenly seems to remember Lily, though, the intensity with which her attention shifts to the other woman faintly unnerving as she demands, "Are you dead?" “Hey, hey. Easy. Don’t get up too fast.” Lily’s advice comes out slightly frantic as she focuses pointedly on Polaris. Her eyes glance up to DJ when his not-name is spoken, her own eyes wide, breath hitching in her throat. Back to Polaris, hands hovering anxiously over the other woman’s lap. “I’m not dead yet,” she manages. “We’re just —“ eyes back up to DJ, looking straight at him as her breathing speeds up, “— seeing ghosts. Perfectly normal stuff. Just ghosts.” DJ is squeezing his eyes closed slowly. Opening them again, also slowly. When the other two are still there, he drops his hand to the ground, swallowing hard. "I'm not a ghost," he answers, and it's Dawson's voice that comes out, soft and not entirely steady. And after this: "I'm not -- your Dawson, either." He swallows again, but it doesn't steady his voice noticeably. "I'm sorry. I didn't think -- didn't know. That you'd be --" He shakes his head, pushing off the ground to get to his feet, hand bracing against the wall again as he rises. "Sorry." Polaris's eyes snap back to DJ when he speaks, then track down to his missing left arm. "What the heck is..." She swallows, bracing herself against the wall as well as she struggles unsteadily to rise. "Wait--please don't--" A little panicked, here. "What do you mean not our Dawson how the fuck many Dawsons are there--okay don't answer that there's probably like thousands of you in Idaho but..." Her eyes are brimming with tears now, and her next words are strained, "The beard looks really good on you, though." “Of course you’re not my Dawson.” Lily is getting up too, only the tiniest bit unsteady as she gets to her feet. Holds out an arm awkwardly to Polaris. “I haven’t seen my Dawson since two thousand and seven my Dawson is not a grown man with a beard and my Dawson is dead.” There is an ugly laugh bubbling up in the back of her throat, spilling out uncontrollably and threatening to transform into tears at any moment. “What the hell is going on? What the hell is going on.” Polaris's compliment startles a laugh out of DJ, short and rough. "... yeah. She thought so, too." He's not leaving now, just sinking against the wall with his arm starting to wrap around his midsection. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for -- This whole world is wrong and I just wanted to get my bearings. Maybe pray. Maybe -- this was stupid. I should have known that -- this was. Stupid." His brows are pulling together in some confusion. "... where were you since two thousand seven?" Polaris stares blankly at DJ. "Who's 'she'?" Though for all her boundless confusion there's no hint of jealous in this. "Look I have zero idea what's happening, my leading theory is really frakking rapid onset mania or maybe accidental LDS." She frowns abstractly. "--LSD--whatever, point is. Prayer isn't stupid. Going to temple isn't stupid. Though uh..." Her eyes pull away from him for the first time in several long moments, only to dart a quick glance in the direction of the multipurpose room. "I think a lot of people here are gonna have questions and you--look like maybe you don't need that right now." Lily’s eyes take on a wild look when DJ asks, another bitter laugh escaping her. “I was looking for him until they made me stop and he never came home even though apparently you’ve been alive this whole damn time I thought you were dead I’ve mourned you twice — “ Lily slaps a hand over her mouth, breathing heavily as she tries not to completely lose it. Takes a few deep breaths through her fingers. Her eyes are wet when she finally releases her grip, but she’s not crying yet. Nods her head at Polaris’ assessment. “We should. Take this outside. At least.” "My -- wife." There's a heavy settling to DJ's shoulders with this, his eyes turning up to the ceiling in counterpoint to his suddenly wilting posture. His fingers curl harder against his side, and at Lily's suggestion he only nods, numbly. There's a ghostlike blur in the hallway, and then he is out of sight. Polaris resumes the staring she had only so recently left off. Then her cheeks flush and she looks away. "Picked a shitty goddamned fucking month to stop drinking," she says, low, as she turns to Lily. "Hey...c'mon, let's...I'm just gonna assume I'm not hallucinating you, too." She rests a hand gingerly on the other woman's arm, gently starts guiding her out. Fat snowflakes are drifting down through the dark as they step out into the cold night air. Polaris is turning toward DJ before her eyes ever light on him, before she bothers shrugging into her black coat, drawing Lily along with her. "So you're like. His clone? Long-lost triplet? Mirror universe double?" These first suggestions sound kind of off-hand, but her tone goes a bit more diffident when she adds, "Angel of the Lord?" Lily shakes her head, staring at the flutter of movement as DJ disappears. “I need - fuck. I need so many drinks. What the hell.” It takes a moment before Lily can move, leaning into the pressure of Polaris’ hand as they make their slower way outside. She’s trailing behind Polaris, pulling her own tan coat on before they step outside into the night, burying her face in the scarf she wraps around her neck. She lets Polaris list the possibilities, lingering just behind her shoulder. She snorts softly at ‘Angel’. Adds, productively - “Definitely not a shapeshifter. Doesn’t eliminate evil spirit, though.” DJ has been sitting on the squat railing around a small tree box just outside the entrance; he doesn't turn as the women approach. "No, I'm not --" he starts, almost defensive, but then halts. His head bows into his hands, shaking as his palms press against his eyes. "... yeah. Actually. It sounds crazy but there was an entire --" For a moment his words hitch, his breath a little unsteady. "An entire other world. Kinda like this one. But -- not. I was there. And now I'm not. I didn't mean to scare you, I just --" When he does look up it isn't to the other two but higher, toward the gleaming figure of Moroni atop the temple. "... didn't know where else to go." Polaris shoots Lily a sharp sidelong glance at "evil spirit", but she's quickly enough distracted by DJ's admission. She follows his gaze up, her shoulders hunching. It's with a heavy voice that she replies, "I never imagined you were trying to scare us. Obviously it wasn't too easy for you to see her, either." She tips her head toward Lily, rubbing her hands together briskly against the cold, then shoving them deep into her pockets. "What about--" But then she catches herself, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. Gosh, that's...I can't even imagine that." Then, at a very slight hesitation, "I know this is not what you meant, but--have you got somewhere to stay?" Lily just shrugs at the glance - the wild look has not completely faded from her eyes yet, but her breathing is finally starting to slow down. “Okay. Alternate dimension. Sure.“ She lets out a slow exhale, the breath white in the cold air. “I’m sorry you are here, and not there. With your wife. Whatever family you have there.” Her lips press together. “My - our? - family is out in Salt Lake. If you ever decide you want that.” Her eyes drift to the empty sleeve at his side, brows furrowing. "Yeah. I'm sorry, too." DJ pulls his eyes away from the angel statue, fixing down on the ground instead. "I --" His fingers wrap in against the cuff of his jacket, shoulders hunching lower. His eyes have gone a little wider, his face a little paler. "That's -- complicated. But I'm not -- out on the streets or anything." He looks up at Lily with a startled blink. "Our --" After this a pause, a hard swallow, one cheek sucked inward to gnaw on. "Not sure they'd love an. Evil spirit hanging around. But it would be -- good to..." He doesn't finish this thought. He just pushes himself to his feet, holding his unzipped jacket closed against the wind. "Sorry," is all he says again. "I can find a different. Stake." "No, no, wait, I--" Polaris emits an exasperated hiss. "It's not a good idea to go to their parents. Like--please, trust me, at least wait till you have some context, first." Her shoulders hunch further. "The folks in your stake will come around once they know, just. Give them a little time." One of her hands has come out of her pocket, reaching for him, but then she drops it, curling her fingers shut tight. "If it's not like safe, or comfortable, or whatever? Where you're staying? We can--ask around, find you a place, even if just for temporary." “I didn’t mean now, just —“ Lily presses the heels of hands against her eyes. “Fuck, I didn’t mean that.” Her hands pull down her cheeks. “He never came home. Doesn’t mean they - we - didn’t want him back. That they wouldn’t be able to love you. If you wanted. Only if you wanted.” Looks to Polaris’ reaching hand and takes a step back, away from both of them. “You’re in good hands with her. She knows this town. Knows good people. Is good people.” Her hands drop from her face, curl tightly into fists at her side. “And this isn’t my stake. If that helps. Is there a way to help?” The tension drains from her fingers, one digit at a time uncurling, as she hangs her head down to stare at the snow. "Feel like there's. A lot of things I'm -- going to need context on." DJ's fingers clench tight at the front of his jacket. His eyes dart to Polaris's hand when she reaches it towards him, neither moving nearer nor pulling away. "It's. Just. Complicated. I -- knew the person I'm staying with. In my world, and --" His head shakes jerkily. "I don't know. About the help. Feel like I only just learned that other dimensions are a -- thing, and now I -- this is just. A lot, you know?" The look he darts to Lily is a little guilty. "Sorry. Probably -- you know." He takes an uncertain step backwards, but doesn't actually go anywhere. He is at least breathing more evenly, now, his voice steady if rather toneless. He looks to Polaris -- not for very long before looking back up to search the snow-grey sky. "Sorry if this is -- not. A good question. But you -- knew? The other Dawson? Were you -- close." "I don't really think what they want is like, the primary concern here." Polaris, at least, sounds fairly calm and matter-of-fact about this--sounds almost as if she is back on something resembling terra firma. "Complicated can be real tough to deal with, when you're in a crisis. It might be harder to find you a place where you aren't gonna run into folks you knew back in your world, but I'm game to try." Her eyes widen, glistening again, her equability fled. She blinks hard, several times. "We--yeah. Not as close in the way that I would have liked. Yet? We were dating. Sorry. If that's weird. Um." She manages a faint, and faintly sheepish smile. "My name is Polaris." “Yeah. A lot. This month has been a lot. This year has been a lot.” Lily sucks in a long breath. “Just. Whatever you need. Whenever you figure out what that is.” Takes another step back. Looks to DJ’s face, to Polaris. One eyebrow quirks up. DJ's breath comes out in a hard rush at Polaris's answer. His expression briefly crumples, shoulders wilting in again. "I think," he says carefully, "this is just -- all going to be weird. For a while. I guess -- if. It really wouldn't be too much trouble. Could start with figuring out where I'm going to sleep." It takes a deliberate effort for him to pull his eyes back down. "... Polaris. I'll remember that."