Logs:Of COURSE it takes work. / Lifelong. Unachievable. / Welcome to the club.

Of COURSE it takes work. / Lifelong. Unachievable. / Welcome to the club.
Dramatis Personae Dallen, Natsumi
In Absentia Sriyani, Tok	2024-09-23 "I look so normal, just like me. Except pretty."
Location <XAV> Dallen and Tok's Dorm
"-- craft fairs, flea markets, vintage stores, they're going to be a gold mine for finding all kinds of really exciting statement pieces to really jazz up your outfits." Natsumi is imparting this as if it's an extremely solemn piece of deep wisdom. "If you layer right you can mix and match into so many different outfits with what we picked up today but it's accessorizing that'll make the look really sing." Her tongue has been poking just slightly out of the corner of her mouth as she works, carefully, on the final touches of Dallen's eye shadow, nose scrunching slightly before she nods approvingly at her own handiwork and pulls back. Her own makeup is impeccable as ever, of course, as is her bold red-jumper and chunky gold boots ensemble. But now so is Dallen's makeup -- slightly more understated than Natsumi's, leaning more natural, but still leaning just a little bit into a cutesy touch of blush-pink. "Welllll, that and a great makeup artist." Dallen's outfit is also more understated than Natsumi's, but the change from her usual wardrobe is anything but. Her modest baby pink cap-sleeve blouse is, as recommended, layered under a vintage jacket in rich purple corduroy and paired with a versatile gray a-line skirt. Once Natsumi is done she tilts the mirror sitting on her desk, moving slowly and carefully, as if afraid of disturbing the unfamiliar product on her face. Her eyes widen, which kind of covers up part of what's making them widen. "Thank you," she says, not for the first time today, but there's a kind of hushed wonder this time. "You are a great makeup artist. I look so normal, just like me. Except pretty." She blushes. "I like looking pretty. Just a little. I don't know when that becomes vanity." "Oh, yeah," Natsumi agrees brightly, "that's totally the point! You look like you still, but spruced up better! There's nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty. Most people enjoy being a little pretty sometimes. You feel better, people treat you better, what's wrong with that?" She shrugs, setting the makeup brush down on a paper towel on the desk and then leaning up against the edge of the desk herself. "Plus, some of us kiiind of had a big headstart." Dallen nods very deliberately and stops nodding just as deliberately. "I don't think it's wrong. Dressing appropriately reflects well on our family and community and Church and shows respect towards others." She runs her fingertips over the velvety wales of her jacket. "Our mom wears makeup and nice clothes all the time. She probably knows how to tell 'appropriate' from 'vain'." She sounds a little wistful, but then she glances in the mirror again and the shy smile she gives her reflection doesn't look forced. "But she just had a big head start. I can learn." "Riiight." Natsumi nods along slow and slightly conciliatory. "Dressing like a girl also gets people to treat you like a girl and you've got a lot of learning to do." She's looking at the messy disaster of the other desk in the room, lips pressing briefly together with a mild distaste. "And I mean, no offense to your roommate, but you listen to his advice and you're just going to get bullied. Uh, bullied more. You two are not exactly in the same situation and I'm not really sure he was looking past his own --" Her brows lift for a moment, hand gesturing outward in a long sweep of -- "horn." She smiles, quick and encouraging. "You have great study skills, though. I think you're going to do great." Dallen frowns, following Natsumi's glance to Tok's desk. "I think they were trying to help. Maybe it's hard to see past their horns. Maybe it would have been more helpful, if I needed...validation? Or if I didn't want to learn." She stands up and turns a full circle in front of the mirror hanging from her closet door. "I'm not really sure I understood the advice, anyway. I'm not even sure how many people know Tok is trans, and not just. Weird." "Oh, yeah! I'm sure Tok was trying to help." Natsumi's agreement comes very readily here, too. "I think he definitely means well, you just -- can't really expect them to understand your point of view here, right? You're coming from such different places. Nobody really sees them as a girl and -- I mean that's fine for them, right? They don't really care what other kids think, or what their community thinks, or what teachers think, or --" Her eyes flick briefly towards the beatific print of White Jesus benevolently looking down at them from the wall. "Well, I just mean, I don't think Tok's goals are exactly lined up with trying to be appropriate or reflect well on, um, anyone. Which is fine if you want to be a boy today and a girl tomorrow and a gremlin on Thursday and a thief every day but I feel like you're maybe aiming for something a little bit, not that." Her nose crinkles up. "If you were aiming for 'life of crime' I'd have picked you a whole different wardrobe." Dallen tilts her head and steps to the side so she can see Natsumi in the mirror, too. "I don't know if he cares what other people think. But most people do, I think, at least a little." She tugs down on the hem of her jacket and smooths down the yoke of her skirt and visibly tries not to rock or flap or bounce, but it's clear she's distressed. "Oh no, I'm not aiming for that, not at all. Will people think that, because I'm rooming with Tok? And also trans?" She turns to the jar of smooth stones on her roommate's desk as if it were a stand-in for them. "I guess not everyone is brought up to think about how their appearance and actions reflect on other people. That's not their fault, but..." She looks up at White Jesus, holding up his lamp as he beckons for her to follow. "I think they really need some guidance, too." Natsumi's brow furrows, her lips pressing together. She doesn't answer immediately. She's considering Dallen's reflection very seriously in the mirror, and then considering Tok's side of the room, and then considering the Jesus picture, and then, once more, Dallen. When she does speak again it's slow and uncertain. "We don't get to choose our roommates here, and people know that. I don't think most people are going to just lump you together just because your roommate breaks a lot of rules. I think probably any time a girl is," her voice drops just a little bit to a more confidential hush, "you know, sharing a room with a boy, people are maybe going to talk, and if they know the boy is someone who..." One shoulder lifts. "But like you say that's not their fault! Maybe you'll be a good influence. Does that get, like, awkward, on his boy days though?" Dallen's eyes have gone very wide, again. "Oh," she says quietly. "Oh, no. I was thinking of it as. Tok is non-binary, so it's okay. But maybe it's not okay." She looks to Jesus with his expression of patient forbearance. "And even if it is, people may not think it's okay. Oh no." She crosses her arms, fingers fluttering at the corduroy of her sleeves. "I should be trying harder to help them but. Maybe I should not be rooming with them. When they are a boy. I'm sure they'll understand." She does not, actually, sound all that sure. "I guess if they think I don't want to room with them because they behave so badly, it might help them understand that their behavior is...bad." She nods, looking very serious and determined, now. "Thank you for your advice. I might not have thought of that." "Oh, maybe that is okay. Sorry, I didn't want to assume, I'm still learning about your church. I just know my parents would freak if I was rooming with a boy, even part-time. But they're like -- not even American and super old-fashioned about a lot of things." Natsumi shrugs, pulling herself upright and away from the desk. "That's really kind of you, Dallen. I think a lot of kids who come here haven't always had -- good influences before in life. Maybe like some of us have a headstart with things like knowing how to be a girl, other people get a big headstart with knowing how to be -- I don't know, good? You seem like you got a lot of practice at home there, huh?" "I'm not sure it's okay," Dallen admits, paling a little behind the healthy flush of her makeup. "Our parents might freak. They aren't very old-fashioned, but the Church is very strict about these things and even if it's okay with God it might not be okay with the Church. It's because they want to make extra sure we are good." She folds her hands together, her thumb tracing the fidget bracelet under her cuff. "A lot of people can be good even without that, but some people need help, and that's okay. I always try to choose the right. It's just sometimes it's very hard to know what's right. I don't think Tok will do anything inappropriate to me. But they're inappropriate in a lot of other ways, and I don't want to reflect badly on my family. Or worry our parents. Or make people think I'm only a girl part-time." She looks down at her entirely flat chest, and the floral lacework around the collar of her blouse that draws attention away from it. "I'll have to make sure they know I'm not judging them or the way that they are being a girl. I just want to help them choose the right." "Your Church does seem strict about a lot of stuff." Natsumi doesn't quite grimace, here, but it is a near thing, mouth starting to pull to the side before she corrects into a quick smile. "Maybe it's kinda neat, though? Having, like, a rulebook for... life? Does it make things any less confusing? Figuring out what's right, I mean. People seem to have a lot of different opinions about that, but maybe you've got more of a -- direct line." "It is kind of neat. I like it when the rules are clear." Dallen looks over at the hutch of her desk and the beautiful leatherbound scripture quad on the bookshelf there alongside her other reference books. "But it doesn't always make things less confusing, because there's usually more to it than just following the rules. And that's...good?" Her brows furrow with this, but her next words come fluidly, with the ease of practice. "We are put on this Earth to learn and strive to become our better selves. Anyone who diligently searches for truth can receive revelation. Anyone can have...a direct line." "Wait, anyone? That is kind of confusing." Natsumi is considering this New Mormon Information with a deep furrow of her brow. She glances towards the scripture, too. "How do you know what's God and what's just -- what you feel like doing? A lot of people have said they're doing stuff for God that seems pretty sketch. Maybe God's asking Tok to play mean pranks all the time or telling Sriyani to skip math class to go see a baby hippo in Thailand. One of the orderlies the last place I was definitely thought God wanted to torture all mutants. I feel like the line maybe gets some static sometimes." Her cheeks puff out, and she blows out a small quick breath. "Or maybe they're just not diligent enough, I don't know, I definitely haven't studied up on this kind of thing nearly as much as I should've, probably. My line is -- muddled for sure. I should probably go finish my math, at least those rules are clear." Her fingers curl in a small wave. "I can't wait to see what outfit you pick tomorrow!" "I think a part of being diligent is honestly thinking through where your answers are coming from." Dallen is rocking a little on her feet. "I don't think you have to study to listen to yourself, and then listen just a little harder." She smiles down at the floor. "I'm not very good at it. My thoughts are so loud it's hard to hear over them. Thank you, again." She waves, also small, half-way to a truncated flapping. "I can't wait, either!"