Logs:Sorry For Your (sic) Loss

Sorry For Your (sic) Loss
Dramatis Personae Bryce, Dallen, Emilia, Tok
In Absentia Shane, Jax, Spencer	2024-10-20 "In all the time I've been alive so far... I never thought I'd actually... see someone I even tangentially knew die, you know?"
Location <XAV> Grounds - Xs Grounds
Xavier's School is situated on grounds as luxurious as the mansion itself. The tree-lined drive brings you up to the lush green sweep of front lawn and the wide front porch with its bench swing, often frequented by students studying in pleasant weather. The large oak tree in the front yard is home to a tire swing, installed long ago beneath the sturdy old treehouse. The lawn rolls out all the way down to the thin rocky pier at the edge of the glittering lake. The water stretches huge and wide off into the distance, the boathouse a small blip at its shore. Along its bank, forest stretches dense and shady to one side; to the other cliffs start to rise, high and rocky, providing trails for hiking or climbing, for the adventurous. Over in the Great Hall the memorial service is just finishing. The school is bustling with mourners and well-wishers and community members come to remember Shane's life, and while a good number of those actually close to him are lingering in the Hall or outside, a lot of his more peripheral acquaintances are much quicker to slip away. Bryce is venturing outside in the tail of a stream of dancers and roadies from Ryan's tour. He's very blandly dressed, khakis and a black polo shirt that make the rest of him pop all the more boldly -- vivid crest of red feathers atop his head framing vivid green, red, and blue scales covering the skin of his face. There is sleek black and white fur coating his arms, fingers a little longer and considerably more clawed than comes human-standard. He is retreating from the group of people as they head back to their cars, dropping down onto the porch swing and pulling out his phone to open up Google Maps. Even though Emilia is acquainted with death, it was something she never thought she'd actually see. Especially to someone so... well, to Emilia he seemed young judging by the way everyone talked about him. She had no idea how old Shane actually was. She had dressed respectfully, much different than her casual workwear, in the one suit she'd managed to buy with what little she had. An all black ensemble, well-tailored, because it wouldn't do to be a slob at someone's memorial, even someone you didn't know that well. Especially someone you didn't know that well. She makes her way toward the front as well, sighing slightly with the crushing grief of the whole day. Being around others' emotions was hard. Being around one of the hardest emotions to deal with was especially so. She keeps a respectful distance from Bryce, but no matter how often she sees him, she can't quite get used to the beautiful display of feathers and scales. Which is somewhat contrasted by the downscaled way he's dressed today. She wants to question the vividness of the scales combined with the fur of his arms, but decides now isn't the time. Instead, she eventually speaks to break the silence. "In all my years... okay, not that many years, but... in all the time I've been alive so far... I never thought I'd actually... see someone I even tangentially knew die, you know? It's... you can't describe something like that." She speaks, looking out into the distance at the various mourners, claws poking in and out of her hands, flexing restlessly, a mutant equivalent of a self soothing behavior, maybe. The pain keeps her grounded. As messed up as that is. "I'll probably outlive my family. My friends. Everyone. Maybe. And... how am I supposed to feel about that?... I wish I could've gotten to know him better. Or at all." "Life is so hard, and we wait to tell people the things we want to until they're gone... something about that..." She merely shakes her head. Dallen had also been trailing after the processing, but peels off when her brother does. She's wearing a black cropped jacket, pale pink blouse, a black a-line skirt, and gray suede boots, and her hair has been trimmed into a feathered pixie cut. She sits down primly beside Bryce, and looks like she's considering saying something when Emilia speaks up, and turns to blink up at the taller girl instead. "I think maybe, that is going to happen more if you stick around here," she says, sounding slightly apologetic. "Especially if you...why do you think you'll outlive everyone?" Tok had hastily threaded their way out from the Great Hall to the outside. They’re tugging at the top button of a slightly rumpled button up shirt they’re wearing, and once they’ve undone that, their hands are immediately falling down to tug at the patchy fur at the end of their tail, which has wrapped itself securely around their waist, something antsy in their posture. They’d slowed once Bryce’s familiar feathers caught their eye, and they’d stopped fully at the bottom of the porch when they overheard Emilia, and then Dallen. They take an added moment, to listen, before making their way up to officially join—eager just to be closer to people. They offer a short nod in greeting to group, and silently seat themself with their back against one of the porch pillars close to the bench, claws returning to idly tugging at their fur. “Yeah I was wondering that too.” Bryce has gotten markedly more tense when Dallen sits down beside him, and still moreso when Tok approaches, his feathers rising slow and pressing back down flat with a careful deliberateness. He's tipped up a quizzical look to Emilia, scales rubbing together as his forehead wrinkles. "You never thought --" There's a definite incredulousness in his tone and he swallows it back down, dipping his head instead in polite acknowledgment. "Yeah, um. I --" He's fidgeting, looking down at his phone and then turning it over face-down in his lap. "Also. Wished that." "I don't know, I guess it never occurred to me. I never really had to experience it except for my childhood, and I don't really remember any of..." She shrugs, proving her point. "I have a healing factor. Very strong. I'm basically immune to every human-affecting disease, toxin, you name it. I can survive a lot that most... well... wouldn't. And with my cells constantly repairing themselves... I think I might... age slightly slower, body wise? I don't know the science behind it." "Sorry, I didn't think to mention..." "And with the claws, it kinda helps to avoid any uh... incidents. But I could theoretically, at least at my estimation, live for... hundreds? Thousands?... of years. Provided I don't..." She doesn't want to finish, but she doesn't need to. "I don't think I've really seen a lot of you guys up close. I'm Emilia, by the way. And you..." She gestures to Tok. "I haven't met before. Pleasure to meet you." She retracts her claws, extends a hand, if he wants. If not, it'll go back to her side, no hard feelings. "I know you're going to hear this a lot today, but if there's... anything I can do for you guys, please let me know. If you need food, or... or comfort, or help with school stuff... I want to do what I can. I didn't think to like, bring anything for the family, unfortunately. I don't know if that's common, I don't... I've never really been to one of these before." Dallen nods, although her expression looks more and more perplexed. "I'm Dallen," she says hesitantly, the lift in her tone making it sound like a question. "I didn't really know Mister Holland -- I mean, that Mister Holland. I like Mister Jackson a lot and I'm sorry that he lost his son and Spence lost his brother but it wasn't really my...loss." She glances aside at Bryce, looking slightly anxious. "I think people usually bring stuff for the family when it's a funeral. I don't know so much about memorial services, but I think the food has been handled at least." “Never…?” Tok’s face pinches slightly as they trail off, and their eyes shift up towards Bryce’s, briefly, before looking back towards Emilia. “Wait- Thousands?” This is interrupting any prior thoughts Tok might’ve been having. “Shi- I mean. That’s. A long time. ” Their eyebrows jump up surprised at the offered hand, a delay, then they’re shaking it back, “Oh- uh. Tok.” They offer a hesitant twitch of a half smile before pulling back. They’re nodding after Dallen, “Yeah I didn’t really- I only knew him for a bit. Freaktown and then here.” They explain, “Thanks, though.” Bryce frowns deeper -- he looks a little unconvinced by Emilia's conjecture, but he is not arguing. "Mr. Jax is so nice and Spence is so nice and Mr. Holland..." His furry hands wring together. He stands up from the swing, rocking it a little as he moves. Some internal indecision keeps him in place once he's up, though, just fidgeting with his phone. "Right," is softer, his shoulders tensing. "It wasn't my -- wasn't our loss." He squeezes at his phone tighter and then blurts: "If you can't die does that mean you can't go to Heaven?" Emilia can't help but chuckle, but quickly apologizes. "I'm sorry- ha- I just, I've never gotten that question before, but it is a valid question. I can die, it just... will take... a lot. I think. I honestly try not to think about it. And it's an estimate, so I might be way off. But I've heard some mutants live for... a long time." "I like to think I would go to Heaven. What's the verse... 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.' I... I have a lot to repent for before I think I'll be allowed in, though. And I'm not usually one for faith, admittedly, but... what's the thing? 'For the Lord, your God, is gracious and compassionate, he will not turn his face from you if you return to him?'" "Maybe we all need faith in some way. And as for my assumption, Вибачте. I'm sorry. I just, I never know, so I like to extend sympathies where I can, because this is a soul rending loss. And I'm not... good with dealing with that." She nods at the shaken hand, smiling a bit. She hopes that Tok isn't some kind of touch-based mutant. If only she knew. Oops. "But it's an interesting philosophical question. Where do I go, is it predetermined, is it chosen? Is there a God, or the God out there, waiting for me to finally get my shit together?" She chuckles, a bit dryly. "I don't know, honestly. But I won't preach to you all. That's not why you're here." "I'm also not the most qualified." "But... I'm sure he would appreciate you being here, nonetheless. I hope wherever he is, he's at peace." She'd toast if she could, but she didn't have anything. "I'm sure they are nice. I don't think I've gotten to talk to them too much. But Spence is nice. I met him." (And you're the problem and you can't feel) (Try this on, straightjacket feeling) (So maybe I won't be alone...) "I'll have to. I've heard good things. With all of this, Bryce, what do you think happens, if I may? Heaven, for the good?" Dallen starts to say "if you can't die --" and then lets her brother finish. But at Emilia's reply she seems even more confused. "But, what if you don't? Die?" She shakes her head. "Sorry, you don't have to...explain your um. Mortality, to us. But it isn't predetermined and anyone who dies can go to heaven. The Plan of Salvation includes those even those who were not righteous in their mortal lives. Not that I'm saying Mister Holland wasn't righteous! I just mean --" She just stops here, blushing fiercely, and shakes her head. "I am not a theological scholar or even a priesthood holder -- anymore -- and I don't have a personal testimony to give about this. I just have never heard of anyone being immortal in their...mortal life. Before. But if you are worried I am sure that Heavenly Parents would reveal Their answers on that if you ask with an earnest heart." Tok’s gaze snaps up to Bryce when he stands, something like concern flickering across their face, but then their eyes widen a little at his question. They allow their head to fall back to rest against the pillar they’re seated against as they listen, the tugging at the fur of their tail slowly turning into brushing their claws through it. “Uh. I’m not qualified.” They shrug in a way that lolls their head slightly, “But kinda sounds like- i’unno. If you end up living forever, all the stuff that comes outta those verses are still gonna matter. Either way you’ll have a whole lotta time to uh…” They tilt their head back and forth, unsure, “Get your shi- stuff together. I guess?” "Pretty much everyone goes to a Kingdom of Glory," Bryce is insisting immediately, but then falling quiet through much of Dallen's words. At the end he only adds, a little uncertainly: "... after we die, though. But it's not --" He gestures awkwardly towards his sister. "What we choose in our life will guide where we go, not, like, some kind of... fate." He's still squeezing at his phone, looking down at it and then back up at the others here. "Sorry, I'm -- I was going to..." His grasping for a plausible-sounding excuse ultimately comes up inadequately with: "... get some ice cream." Is it an ice cream emergency, maybe, because he's ducking quick and uncomfortable past Tok to the stairs. "Ah. What happens if I don't? Well... I don't know. I guess I'd have to wait until I inevitably do, I suppose. I wouldn't say I'm immortal, but... close to it, I suppose. A benefit and a curse, depending on who you ask." "Good to know. At least I have a chance then, I suppose." She smiles a bit, nodding. She gets somewhat of an idea with Bryce's flimsily held together excuse that he is not, in fact, going for ice cream. But if that's what he needs, that's what he needs. Emilia doesn't push it either way, more than a raised eyebrow and a nod. "What we choose... hm." "You're right, Tok. I will probably have a lot of time. Maybe too much, maybe not enough, I don't know." She wants to question a lot of things today. Namely, Tok's refusal to curse, if it's something they refuse to do, or what. But, again, it's not the time, nor is it appropriate to just ask someone why they don't use profanity. But hey, when you're curious... "It's only natural to have questions. When you haven't encountered anything... or anyone, well, like me before, it's normal when it flies in the face of everything you know physics wise, science wise, or otherwise. If you have any questions, I'll be sure to answer them. It's only fair." Dallen frowns deeper, looking between the other teens and settling back on Emilia. "We're at a mutant school. Pretty much everyone here kind of defies science." Her shadow peels itself up off of the porch and perches itself on the arm of the swing beside her. Both she and her shadow turn to watch Bryce as he's leaving. "Are you...okay?" She looks kind of like she wants to stand up and follow him, but holds back. "If talking feels like kind of too much, we can pray. Not that there's anything wrong with ice cream if...you want ice cream." Tok scans Emilia, eyes squinting once “Fair? S’not like you owe people that information.” They watch Dallen’s shadow peel off the porch, and there’s a brief smile that flickers across their face, but it fades back once Bryce begins to leave. They turn from where they’re seated, but don’t otherwise make any moves to get up. They glance between Dallen and Bryce, brow pinching together, “Yeah we could do whatever if it’ll…” Their voice trails off, confidence losing some steam. "No," Bryce answers. Sharp, quick, it's hard to say exactly who it's directed at but he claps his hand to his mouth and dips his head sheepishly. "I'm so sorry I didn't -- I just -- I don't need. I'm fine I only even barely knew him, it's --" His smile is quick, too. "I'llseeyoulaterokay?" And then he's jogging off the porch and away down the drive. Emilia isn't sure about how to react to Dallen's shadow peeling off of the porch, but she takes it as the fact that, like Dallen said, none of them are truly 'normal.' Which is a fair point. Emilia doesn't push to get Bryce to talk about anything, and lets him go by her. He needs his own space right now, and she doesn't really believe his words of not needing anything. She knows that, the need to be by yourself, unfortunately. "I wish there was something I could do, but sometimes there isn't anything you can do..." She says with a sigh. "Either way, if anyone wants to check on him that knows him more personally, feel free." Dallen flinches, her shadow sort of dissipating into a thinner darkness around her before pooling back down at her feet. She doesn't say anything else to Bryce, though she watches him go, brows furrowed deep with perplexity that she easily transfers to Emilia when she speaks again. "He's. My brother." She still looks bewildered, like she wants to elaborate on this but cannot quite figure out how. "I know him pretty personally. I don't know why I should 'feel free'. I think he wants to be left alone." Tok’s mouth opens, then closes again before they get the chance to say anything. They watch Bryce long after he’s gone, then slump back against the pillar. They stay quiet, looking somewhere far off, but at Dallen’s words they seem to focus back in. Something has shifted in their expression, something a little more tired slotting in its place. They blow out a breath, “Yeah…Probably better off.” They look up towards Dallen, eyes briefly darting across her face concerned. “You two been in an argument or something?” They slide up into standing, still leaning against the pillar. They twist the patchy fur on their tail around their fingers, none too gently. "I apologize. That came out wrong. In any case, I agree." She says, simply, watching him go for a bit as well. "How long have you been here, Tok? I've seen you around, but I think I got here before you did, but I don't really know. Just curious." "It's okay," Dallen says, "I was just confused. We did not argue." She rocks the swing gently, and when she speaks again the words come easily, with a polish that usually comes of practice, like something she's memorized. "There is no single way to handle loss, and everyone will respond differently. I have been praying for guidance on how to administer to the bereaved." She stills the swing and gets up. "Maybe I should also adjust who I think is bereaved, too. I hope you find comfort, or the inspiration to offer comfort to those in need." She steps off of the porch and for a moment looks like she might follow Bryce, after all, but she turns her steps out into the gardens instead. Tok nods, some of the concern from earlier fading from their expression. “Sucks there’s not really a guidebook for these kinda things.” They give a short wave as she stands to leave, “You too, Dallen. See ya…later.” They’re quiet for a pause, then seem to fully register Emilia’s question towards them after a delay, “Oh. Uh..” Tok’s face screws to the side, “I was here end of last year.” Then, they hesitantly add, “Right before aliens tried to set up shop.” Their sharp eyes narrow, suddenly, “Which was…Five months ago?” They blink, and shake their head, as if they’ve just realized this. “Whoa. Didn’t think it’d been that long.” They push themself up off the pillar, and jerk a chin towards her, “You?” "Hmm... I don't know exactly, but probably longer than that. I participated in a small effort to ward off some aliens, and I was also involved in Freaktown, so... a bit longer than that? Or around the same time? I don't know. My memory is somewhat hazy. There's a lot I don't remember, and probably for good reason. Let's just say I haven't had the best past, but I feel like that's probably true for every kid or staff member around here." She feels somewhat awkward, not at all because of Tok, but because of the fact that her conversation with Bryce and Dallen didn't go so well. She should've just stayed with her bow, at least that would be a more easy to talk to companion. It didn't feel awkwardness, or compassion, or anything. "I was kept in a lab for a lot of my life. Not Prometheus, it was... a different one. But I can't remember what it was or where. I get bits and pieces." There’s clear concern pinching Tok’s eyebrows together again, and the tugging at the fur of their tail stills momentarily. They stare at Emilia with widened eyes, then quickly dart them away. “I heard that’s a thing. Brains blocking out the bad stuff.” Their fidgeting returns, a little restless. Their head tilts to the side, curious, “You remembering more nowadays? Or shit still hazy?” They wave their claws up by their temple. "No. It's like there's a mental block on my mind, like the kind only someone with those powers could make, but I know for a fact no one here did it. At least, I don't think so. But who knows? I don't really feel like asking." "All I know is I was... different then. Even a few months ago. More similar to an animal than a human being. I was... feral, basically. Growling at everyone... even bit a few people... I don't really want to talk about that. It was embarrassing. The rational part of me knew I shouldn't act like that, but whatever they did to me broke me. Anyhow... yeah. I'd say it is. Probably for the better." She's surprised Tok curses, but the most they get is a raised eyebrow and a look of surprise, before Emilia feels the need to explain herself. "I didn't think you cursed. Was that just for Bryce and Dallen's benefit? Also, uh, am I keeping you from anything? I don't want to make you feel like you have to stay if you have anywhere to be." Tok listens, quietly, but their eyebrows lift at the ‘biting part’. “Oh. It’s s’all good. I. Uh-” They hesitate, then they make a low, grumbling growling noise deep in their throat. They cut it off, quickly as it began “Growl too. Sometimes.” Their smile is hesitant, lopsided. They glance away, and back, “Yeah I try to tone the swearing down ‘round them. Least I can do.” They look down at their phone, and huff out a breath. “Shit. Yeah…I should probably get some work done.” They look towards the door of the great hall one last time, before giving Emilia a nod, “I’ll see you ‘round. Thanks, for chatting.” They’re about to head off, but hesitate one last time, “And uh- Cool claws, by the way. Maybe we trade sometime.” With that, they’re darting off.