Logs:For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help.
| For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help. | |
|---|---|
cn: Discussion of Suicide | |
| Dramatis Personae | |
| In Absentia | 2024-07-16 "The universe is so much fucking bigger and weirder than we ever knew." |
| Location
Texts & Big Deck Energy | |
June 25:
(much later)
June 30:
July 4:
July 13:
July 16:
There's not time to answer that, because the very next moment, Joshua is there. He's dressed for bed -- black and red plaid flannel pajama pants, a tee shirt from some bachelorette party a decade ago that he likely did not attend, no kippah. He spares only a brief glance for the room around them -- though his shoulders have gotten noticeably, immediately tensed. "Are you --" okay was next on his lips, kind of starting to form, but probably this is approximately when he took a good proper look at Leo. Quite clearly, Leo was not kidding. He is currently propped up on a large number of pillows -- enough that they half seem to be holding him upright in the narrow bench of his ship's cabin. He's comfortably dressed himself, in colorfully printed soft harem pants and a loose black tank. He's lost a considerable amount of weight, skin sallowed and heavily pocked with lingering sores and scabs; along half his face and all down one side of his neck and arm there's deep feathery marks like the flesh has just been eaten away, something fuzzy and black lingering at the edges of the angry reddened skin. For all that, the damage Joshua can feel beneath the surface is even worse -- a lot of internal bleeding, several organ systems approaching failure. Leo doesn't look up when Joshua arrives, eyes fixed on his computer screen, where he is doggedly, still, picking away at his dissertation draft. "Like I said." His mutation -- normally a busy but steady background hum -- is roiling in erratic fits and starts. "You should probably go." Joshua is silent. A long time; his eyes have almost immediately slipped away from Leo's ruined face but his healing sense is stretching out onto a thorough evaluation of the damage. His expression is tightening, his face a shade or two paler. Eventually he does move, shifting some of Leo's pillows aside so that he can sit on the bench beside the other man. His hands are folded tightly in his lap, at first, but then he unclasps them to take one of Leo's hands in his own. He looks a little nauseated, at this contact, but doesn't let go. That internal roiling is, unencouragingly, slipping Leo's control again and again, an unstable bloom that washes over Joshua in unctuous waves. Leo's eyes have fixed steadily on his screen, though with the bright sheen of tears in them it's unlikely he's reading much just at the moment. He reaches out with his free hand to grope for one of his spare pillows, trying to drag it closer and kind of moosh it between himself and Joshua. He does not successfully get any farther than dropping it haphazardly across their laps before he gives up, sinking listlessly against Joshua's side. Joshua's breath catches again when Leo falls against him. Carefully, slowly, he pulls the pillow up. He tucks it against his shoulder, adjusting Leo a little more comfortably against it. He's still holding Leo's hand, but aside from a continued monitoring of his friend's tenuous and failing health, he isn't actually doing anything, healing power kept firmly in check. The steady slap of the ocean continues its background rhythm. The boat rocks. Joshua's breathing falls, more or less, in time with the swell of the water, deliberate and slow. He's staring at the screen too, though probably this section of writing falls well outside his limited comprehension of the intricacies of jellyfish biology. Eventually he swallows, eventually he speaks. "Do you want to die?" Leo relaxes once the pillow is comfortably between them, though mostly this just translates into a heavier slump. His eyes close, tears squeezing out and falling in erratic zags along the deep rivulets eaten away in his cheek. "What I want --" His voice is very low and trails off into a shaky exhale. "... has not. Figured the most heavily in my life. These days." Then he's quiet -- for a while, and if Joshua is following the rhythm of the sea, he's following the rhythm of Joshua, formerly too-shallow breathing unthinkingly lapsing into steadier time with the other man's. "I thought at least here it would be. Safe." "That's why I'm asking." Joshua is looking down, now. At Leo's hand in his, at the crusted sores that are doggedly not healing. "I'm safe enough. If I took your thing --" Which he hasn't, which he isn't, not yet, not while he might (IY"H) still need his healing at strength. "Don't have to be alone here." He takes another slow breath, and when he continues it's in Taglish. "{If this is what you want I'll leave it. I will. We can play fucking -- Go or watch The Purge until...}" This doesn't finish; he's still breathing steadily but it's kind of through his teeth, for a moment. Rougher, when he speaks again. "{Just tell me.}" "{What I want --}" This comes more comfortably, in Tagalog, though afterwards Leo pauses again. His eyes have opened; he squeezes Joshua's hand back. He sounds almost startled by his own admission: "{I had not really thought about... it isn't --}" He struggles upright, blinking away his tears and focusing on his computer screen. "{I want to finish my dissertation,}" he says first, lightly amused, but the laughter fades when he continues. "{I want to be able to visit my family without worrying they're going to get drone striked while I am there. I want to propose to my girlfriend without feeling like what I'm proposing is a prison sentence. I want to have normal human worries about dying instead of wondering every day if I'm going to trigger the apocalypse if I get hit by a car.}" He looks down, too, and his hand squeezes lightly back at Joshua's. "{I don't think I want to die. It just. Feels more responsible. Than the other options.}" "S'fucking terrifying." Joshua has returned to looking at the computer screen. "{What I know of doctor programs, even if I fix you up still fifty-fifty on if you'll finish before your liver fails.}" He slouches just a little lower in his seat, and lifts his other hand to chew at the edge of his thumbnail. "{You know. I took a raccoon to space the other day. Met a fairy from another dimension.}" Leo huffs out a small and raspy laugh. He stretches a leg out, closing the laptop with his foot. His brows crease after this, and his head shifts against the pillow, though not quite far enough to turn his quizzical look up to Joshua. "{You what?}" "{Space raccoon. Otherworld fairy. I mean, he might be lying but --}" Joshua lifts a shoulder. "{I -- don't know what the hell's gonna happen in the future. Probably the ship's sailed on normal. But the universe is so much fucking bigger and weirder than we ever knew. If you're here to see it --}" Another shrug. "{Maybe we can find you more options.}" "{Maybe.}" Leo sinks back, more comfortably ensconced where he's tucked against the pillow. "{Okay. Do your thing, then.}" He glances up toward Joshua, his smile brief and a little wan. "{Only because I want to hear more about all this insanity.}" Something eases inside Joshua, and he settles in more comfortably, too. Somewhere, quiet and slow, Leo's insides are starting to put themselves back together. "{Didn't even mention this whackjob is Lucien Tessier's fucking dad. Weird-ass world, man.}" | |
