Logs:Serious People

Serious People
Dramatis Personae Ash, Kitty	2023-07-20 "I, uh, think I am being too serious."
Location <XAV> Danger Room - Xs Sub-Basement
The room is large and circular, a geodesic hemisphere of hexagonal ceramic panels. It is the Danger Room, and is thus often full of danger, but is presently not in use and is thus remarkably danger-free. Safest room in the school, probably. It does not feel like the safest room, lately, even when the imposing facade of Lassiter has melted away once again. The lulls in training, brief as they are when team leadership breaks to discussion strategy, discuss revisions to the plan, discuss acceptable losses, are quiet and serious. Drink water, eat a power bar. Get back to it when the siren sounds. Kitty is kneeling by her bag in one corner, setting down her huge water bottle and picking up a half eaten banana, fidgetting with a smooth jade bangle in her other hand. There's a small towel tossed over the shoulder of her armoured X-jacket, recently relieved from wiping sweat off her neck (the blood and soot, from when she "died" in the last run, have vanished along with the illusion of Ohio). Her hair is frazzled and slipping out from the tight braids she's put it in, each hair elastic holding on for dear life to her limp curls. She's not fixing them, yet -- instead she stares up at the window into the control room while she eats. Ash bounces up and down nervously, hands closed into fists, knees working from a cramped bend to a full straighten position -- not locked, definitely not locking his knees -- as his tension drains for their current break. His arms take over the flexing and stretching when his legs are done, fingers spreading so wide the skin between them turns pale, before flexing his knuckles incrementally from most distal to proximal. His appearance is shabby and dull, from his mussed hair to his very scuffed combat boots. His cargo pants are worn, frayed at the knees and bottom cuffs but the pockets are reinforced doubly and with great care. His t-shirt unfortunately holds the sweat from the prior drills, darkening the already dark brown shirt in several places. The only thing new on him is the flack jacket he got from the school. Still burning with frustrated energy, he spies Kitty and makes his way over. Seeing her eat, he pulls a bar from one of his own pockets and peels the wrapper with shaky hands. He comes to a stop near her, still facing away while he tries to take in her mood. He coughs, clears his throat an extra bit, then speaks haltingly. "Hey. Hi, Kitty. I know we haven't really be talking all that much - I mean I understand if you didn't really -- i mean a few bad ... What I wanted to say is that even tho we're in a past tense thing, I still... would very much appreciate hearing your voice right now because resurfacing to your dead body has... um. Really kind of" more than kind of "bothered me." Kitty looks up when she's addressed with a wide-eyed frown. Stares at Ash's turned away body for a moment -- apparently whatever she might have to say to him is less important than taking the last few bites of banana and tucking the peel into a bag for later disposal. "Uh, yeah, we can talk, that's not, like, you're not banned from talking to me or anything, you know?" She sounds mostly confused by this request. "I'm not dead. Here." She holds out one arm beside him, warm and present and solid to the touch, even though it could easily not be with the suppression currently removed. "Are you good? I kind of thought --" Her brows furrow. "--well, you've been on a lot of these, right?" The implied deaths, of raid team and labrats outside this holographic world, remain unspoken. "I didn't think i was... banned," Ash replies as he scratches the back of his neck and peeks over at Kitty when she extends her hand. He reaches out takes it, lowering himself down to sit on the ground. It takes another breath, but the tremor in his hand stops too. He holds it for a moment longer before releasing. "I just didn't know how welcome... it might be." He takes another bite of his bar and chews thoughtfully, still not looking directly at her. "Uh. Yeah. a bunch, since they pulled me out in 2014. It's like... once you know what it's like inside one of these things, the less you can just ... leave it be, right?" "I," Kitty says, carefully, softly, "wouldn't know. I just watched you all throw yourselves at this over and over again." She sits down, too, reaching for her giant water bottle and offering it out to Ash. "It's welcome? I'm not like, still mad at you for how things ended. Clearly," and this starts dry, before Kitty's gaze darts to the spot where Leo's things -- should be, have been, were -- and falters, "I've moved on. And we're fighting together, now, we should be able to just -- talk." Ash shrugs a little when she admits to not knowing, letting her words sort of hover in the periphery. "Good," he slips that in. No one should actually have to experience any of this. He takes the water bottle with a smile, warming to her presence and turning a little bit more toward her. His gaze is constantly shifting though, glancing this way and that but more at the room and it's possible and remembered dangers. "I'm glad we can talk. So, how have you been? What have you been up to? Uh... What made you want to do... This?" "Oh, you know. Writing my dissertation, writing my will. Do you want my rock salt lamps if I die for real?" The smile on Kitty's face is forced for a moment. "I've allocated almost everything else. Jax gets all my judaica, the school gets my physics stuff, Isra gets my data hard-drive and my dad gets my credit card debt." Her smile falls, head knocking back against the wall as she pulls up one knee to her chin. "... Generational trauma, the power of friendship, duty -- one of those. All of those, maybe." "Dissertation? That's like... The final school thing, right? I don't know much about that kind of stuff, but hey, congrats if you're at the end." Ash drinks down some water before handing the vessel back, a deep wrinkle forming between his brows at the offer. "I mean.,. I guess? I've... Never really done one of those things where you formally take a dead person's stuff. I wouldn't know what to do, but if you want me to have them..." He takes a deep breath and holds it for a moment. "I suppose it's good to be prepared... But uh, is that enough? I also can't tell if you're being casual or like serious about this. I'm... Still no good at reading you.". He gives a soft uncomfortable laugh and bows his head. "I wanna be uplifting and give ya something that can help you not focus on the dying part so much, but I, uh, think I am being too serious. It's hard, you know. It's all so very serious." Kitty lets out a short exhale, almost a laugh. "Maybe I'm no good at reading you -- I thought you liked them. No big deal, though, if you don't want two random pink lamps." Her expression seems just a touch sadder when she contemplates this question. "Both? I really am writing my will, and I am trying not to think too hard about what that actually means. So, seriously casual. Casually serious." She takes back the water bottle, pulls up her other knee to trap it between them. "You don't need to do that. You don't need to be that person for me." Kitty's voice is quiet, but firm. "I don't need that person. I know why I'm here, and who I'm here for. Just like you do." Her grip tightens around the jade bracelet in her hand. "Oh. It's not you." Ash replies quickly, hands folding in his lap, head bowed. "I'm not being that person for you. I'm that person. It's who I am..." He swallows hard. "I know I was like that before, like specifically with you, but it was still some way to try to ... disarm my environment so I was safe." He sounds like he's quoting something when he finishes, foregoing the air quotes in favor of scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry. It always gets worse near to a raid." Something in Kitty's expression softens when she looks back at Ash. "Part of why we didn't work, I guess. I don't like being disarmed, it makes me feel less safe." She slips the bracelet onto her wrist, the inner green surface impossibly snug around it. Rubs her thumb across its surface. "Are you seeing anyone?" Her voice is curious, even when she clarifies, "-- or even just. You know. People who can make environments safe for you. Doesn't have to be a girlfriend, necessarily." "Oh, yeah. I suppose." Ash mulls over the idea of them in the past, subtly shaking his head. He's silent even after she asks the question before turning his head to take in the other people in the room, gesturing to them with his chin. "I suppose all of my people are here and you're meeting them. With them... I feel as safe as I can be, you know? We all make sure each other don't disappear into the labs again - or if we do, we keep hunting until we find each other or .. what remains - just to be sure it's over." He remembers his proteiny granola like bar and takes another bite before tucking the food into his cheek and offers up, "There's also another guy in our group I've been hanging around with. Actually, BUILDING stuff with and that's been great. Oh, but i'm not seeing him. He's like... more of a supportive uncle type, an abuelo, to be honest. And Certainly Not interested in someone my age like that. Did... your person give you that?" "Not all your people. Not all of mine, either." Kitty listens, though, brows furrowed. "I don't have much experience with -- keeping people from disappearing. It's good you all watch out for each other." Kitty's lips twitch back towards a smile, thumb running across the bangles smooth surface. "Well, I won't say he is a supportive uncle type, that's not really my thing. But --" and there's a faint pink rising up in her cheeks, "-- being with him feels safe, in the important ways. Even when the world is terrifying, when he has to be terrifying in the face of horrors, I really don't worry much about us." Ash finishes chewing and swallows before he starts choking on his morsel. "When you refer to your person like that I'm a little afraid you think new friend is... more than what I think he is. He's the boss and sometimes we do construction." He lets the last bite tumble free of the wrapper and juggle between his fingers as he gives Kitty a smile. "I'm glad you have that." Kitty's eyebrows hike up and now she is smiling. "Hey, if you're into it, I'm not judging, my best friend is dating a one-hundred-year-old." Her flush isn't quite fading. "--Thank you, I -- when Leo showed up last week, I was a little worried -- mostly not about this," she clarifies, gesturing between herself and Ash, "but, you know. A little about this." She pushed up to her feet, takes one last swig of water before holding her hand out again to her ex. "Next time we hang out," she says, a little dry, "instead of going on a deadly mission, let's just get coffee." Ash's face stays exceptionally confused. His brows knit deeply as he processes, but still comes up with nothing satisfactory. "I mean, good for your friend? but still, I'm not with Magneto." He wets his lips and blinks rapidly but decides not to say anything about the 'them' part of the Kitty's concerns. "Yeah. Coffee, It's a good idea. I know a place..." he jokes, "it's called Evolve. What do you think?" Kitty's eyes go wide for a split second, the rest of her face very carefully not changing. "Of course you aren't," she says after a moment, letting her lips quirk up in a smile. "You wouldn't suggest the place he wrecked if you were. C'mon. We got work to do." Her hand remains outstreched, while around the room people are gathering again -- time, once again, to attack the fortress. "Later, though -- Evolve sounds great."