Logs:Collateral Damnage
| Collateral Damnage | |
|---|---|
| Dramatis Personae | |
| In Absentia | 2024-11-05 *(Polaris --> Hive): Are you high? |
| Location
texts & Evolve Cafe | |
At 2:59 pm, DJ is outside Evolve, bland in khakis and pale blue button-down, Mendel Clinic ID clipped to his belt. He's waiting just outside the patio fence, eyes tipped up to watch a red-shouldered hawk circling above the buildings. It's another couple of minutes before Polaris spills out into the afternoon sun, trying to pull on her jacket and shrug into her messenger bag at the same time. Her smile at the sight of DJ is bright but nervous, her eyes searching him as if expecting signs of injury despite his earlier assurance. "Hey." She goes to the fence and hops up onto it sidelong. "What's up, Doc?" There are no signs of injury. DJ is looking better rested than he had lately, clean-shaven, simple body-powered arm painted up today in the grey and glossy-iridescence of an ordinary city pigeon. He returns her smile, quick and small, and is already pulling himself away from the fence as she sits. "Can we -- we should --" He glances back toward Evolve's door, and at the couple people eating lunch on the patio. "How was your day?" he asks, instead. Polaris blinks, following DJ's glance, then levitates herself off the fence and sets down lightly on the sidewalk. "Kind of aggravating, but nothing I can't handle." She's trying to sound light and nonchalant, but studying DJ sidelong, concern unabated. "How was yours?" DJ is starting to head away from the cafe -- where to, he's kind of aimless, and fetches up not so very far away, down the block by the currently-empty stoop of the safehouse down the street. "Work was fine," he says as they walk. "I had -- kind of a fight. With Hive, this morning. I don't know..." He squeezes his eyes shut, and shakes his head quickly. "Sorry, that's not -- exactly what I came here to talk about." Polaris falls into step beside DJ and listens, brows furrowing slowly. "Fights happen sometimes. I'm sorry, though." This is gentle and sympathetic. "If you want a mediator I'm actually kind of good at that? But I'm sure you can just talk it over when cooler heads prevail." She blinks up at him again. "What did you come to talk about?" "Maybe." DJ himself sounds far less sure. He curls his arm over his chest, then drops it back to his side. "I -- wanted to catch you before tonight, I didn't want you to come over and --" He cuts himself off here, head bowing apologetically. He draws in a slow breath, which doesn't seem to make it any easier to get the words out that follow. "I'm sorry. I can't -- be in this relationship anymore." Polaris stops in her tracks, shoulders tightening, and starts to turn to him again, then stops that, as well. She draws a long breath, holds it, and lets it back out with a shudder. Only after pulling in another lungful of air does she manage, shaky and hurt and determinedly soft, "Why?" There's a stretch of silence. Not so very long, but DJ's brows are furrowing in intense consideration. "I was a mess when I first came to this world. It was pretty confusing time. I spent a long while crazy and a long while suicidal and I didn't know how to make sense of everything that had happened to leave me stranded here. I really didn't feel like I had a place here until you two. I didn't feel like I had a right to make a place for myself here until you two. I didn't know where I belonged or even who I was." His voice is soft, too, but though there's a definite strain in it, it's steady. "I'm -- okay, still -- pretty crazy. But I've started to figure out -- some of that. A little at a time. I just -- don't think I can really sort through some of this jumble when..." He shakes his head and turns his hand up, then lets it fall heavily back to his side. "I love you so much and I'm so grateful you're a part of my life. I just need to figure out who I am here, without -- so much tied up in my head all the time of who I was. I'm sorry." Somewhere in the middle of this, Polaris does finally look up at DJ again. Her expression shifts so fluidly that it's hard to interpret, even at DJ's processing speeds. She looks away again, blinking back tears, before she speaks. "Everyone's identity is tied up in who they were." Even tight with frustration, this sounds somehow more philosophical than argumentative. "I know it's not the same. I mean I don't, not really. I try to understand, I really do! But I can't help being tied up in who she was to you." She reaches for his hand, but quickly pulls it away and takes a step back. "I also can't help being pissed. And I know that's not fair! And it's an awful time for you to lose--" Her jaw sets tight and there's a faint rattle of metal all around them, but she can't hold back the tears anymore. "Maybe I think too highly of myself." Her hands curl into fists, then uncurl again. "But I'm so afraid of losing you and I don't just mean. Us. I mean you you're--" She shakes her head sharply, and sounds weirdly defeated when she finally pulls "--fuck you for being so wonderful" out from under a harshly stifled sob. "I want to kick your ass." "It's --" DJ starts quietly, and he's probably about to say not the same, but when Polaris does he checks this impulse. Quiets, listens quietly while Polaris speaks. "I'm not going anywhere," he says finally. "I just -- fell from chaos into whirlwind and I need to figure out -- I need to figure out a lot. I'm sorry. I really am." He glances up at the sky, and does not sound at all sarcastic when he adds, "I don't have any appointments left today, if you want to go a round." Polaris mops her face with the sleeve of her jacket, smearing her eyeliner. "I don't believe you. Put your crazy where your mouth is. If you go off and get yourself killed I'll--" This cuts off into--nothing, her mouth clamped shut tight. "I can't beat you unless you let me and that's just gonna make me angrier. I'm not a fucking child, I'll get over myself." She sniffles, wipes her face again, and digs around in her bag for only a few seconds before giving up with an exasperated groan. "I just. Can't. Right now. Sorry." DJ nods. He's considering Polaris thoughtfully, and a small wisp of smile crosses his face. "Keep practicing. I think you're underestimating yourself." He leans in, presses a small kiss to her teary cheek, and then in a blur, is gone. A wet-wipe drops into her hand a moment later, though his bright bioelectric signature is already disappearing far into the distance.
Hive's response is quite a long time in coming.
There's a long delay, too, before Polaris answers.
This time there's intermittent typing for several minutes.
It's another hour at least before Hive answers -- FHE should definitely have started by now.
It's again a long delay -- Hive's next text comes in the middle of the night.
This time it isn't until solidly into the morning that a response comes.
Polaris's response comes in fairly short order, though not immediately.
It's well before supper time when Polaris arrives at DJ's house to find Hive's room empty.
| |
